Do what you love!
by babythisislife
Summary: What happens in the guys dorm stays in it right? Can he keep my secret? I suppose it's our secret now isn't it? KEVXEDD
1. School is in session

**_Hello! It's been a long time and I can't wait to hear what you all think! Anyway, I'm not really sure how far I'll go with this or even if it'll be worth finishing. Anyway, I love this pairing and have been dying to get back to writing as it's so relaxing. Let me know what you think! Happy reading everyone._ **

**KEVIN**

"I can't believe he's here! I guess double D was always really smart so it makes sense, this is one of the best colleges in the state." I shrugged not really sure if Naz was talking to me or herself.

Lizzy put her arm around m waist and hugged me, pushing herself as close as she could like she was trying to crawl under my skin. "Who cares anyway? He was such a freak in school."

Naz gave a disgusted sound and took off in his direction and I had the urge to follow her too. I miss being a kid, teasing Edd was my favorite activity as a young child. At the time I'm sure he thought I was a real jerk but it wasn't out of malice. I wanted so badly what the Edds had I couldn't help myself. I was the worst type of bully.

"Kev let's go back to your room now" Lizzy whined at me. "I want you" she was on her tip toes whispering in my ear, normally I'd comply. As expected of me I'd take her back to my shared room and give her what she wanted because she was a cheerleader and I was a football star.

Lizzy was blond teased hair, big brown eyes and a mouth that was... impressive. She was tall enough to look good but short enough to fit under my arm at games, she'd come to the cul-de-sac around middle school and had ended up coming to college with me. We've been dating since 10th grade and everyone expects I'll marry her.

Naz has expressed her general disapproval but loves me to much to disown me over this. Dad said she's good for me and as I look down into those big brown eyes I know that I'll be satisfied and content in my life. I know my future and everything that is in store for me. Why would I ever need anything more than a good career, a good wife and a good home. I should be grateful for the stability offered to me.

I watch Edd smile at Naz from far away and he's kind of beautiful. Blue eyes almost glowing in the setting sun, jet black hair and a crooked smile with a gap in the middle that's never been corrected. I ponder about his mouth for a second, wondering just what it might be capable of. Better that I never find out, what an embarrassment that would be no doubt.

"Kevin!" Lizzy actually stomps her foot and I realize she thinks I'm staring at Naz. "Sorry, I was just thinking about the Edds" not a lie, but she doesn't kneed to know what I was actually focusing on. "Whatever Kevin, I'm not in the mood anymore. Walk me back to my room I have to study for a test" she demands and I agree automatically.

We're heading right for double D and I can't help but smirk as we draw closer. Fuck why am I feeling like this? I reach my hand out to touch him but catch myself and instead ruffle Naz's hair on the way past. "Double D" I acknowledge him also, feeling really out of it.

Lizzy is glaring daggers at me but he squeaks "Hello Kevin" in such a small voice I laugh out loud. Now Lizzy is pissed, thinking I'm laughing at her. "Fuck off Kevin" she storms off, picking up speed and leaving me in the dust.

"Kev what the hell was that?" Naz asks from behind me. I turn to find her standing there with her head tilted and a worn expression on her face.

"I'm always messing up hu? She'll call me later to tell me what I did wrong. Hey Edd, good to see you" he's bent over a little trying to hide himself behind Naz but I can't resist. The urge I have to tease him rears it's ugly head as it had when we were kids.

"Kevin, I did not expect you would be coming here. It's a pleasant surprise to see you as well" Naz laughed and said it outloud "Kev he thought you'd never make the entrance exam. Neither did I to be honest, but I did help him." Naz, to her credit, is the reason I passed it's true.

"Dude you can just say you think I'm kind of dumb. Without Naz I would be failing all of my classes, we took almost all the same ones. I don't really have a major, just general stuff because I'm here on scholarship." Why am I telling him all this? It's not like he asked.

"I'm here to become a scientist but I would love to be teacher." I know I'm staring but he's really filled out as a teenager. He's almost as tall as me and less lanky now. His chest looks like he's put some work into it and I'd imagine he might have some abs under the baggy grey shirt. He's still slim though, and his legs are longer than Lizzys I think.

That makes me laugh and I notice Naz watching me watch him. I quickly focus on her face trying to play the whole thing off but I also take notice to the silence that has settled over us. "So I was saying that we should get lunch tomorrow after third period, what do you say Kev? If it's okay with double D?"

"If you'd like to join us Kevin that would be splendid. I miss Eddy and Ed very much and reconnecting with some old friends would be a good time." He seems so genuine I can't help myself "Double dweeb if you'll be there you can count me in for anything" I take a step closer to him with a smirk and he stumbles back a bit.

 **EDD**

Kevin is watching me like an animal might watch a future meal. I almost fall backwards when he steps closer to me with the wolfish smile. Maybe inviting him wasn't the best idea, and he's back to calling me names. I had hoped that maturing a bit might have helped with his general disposition but I seem to be mistaken.

He looks the same if not more muscular. Toned arms, emerald eyes, adorable freckles and a baseball cap turned backwards. He's finally taller than me but somehow I don't feel quite as small when he looks at me as I did when we were children. This look he's giving me now makes me think of ravenous hunger but I'm not sure what kind of feast he's expecting.

"Sorry" he steps back and more silence follows, I'm looking him in the eye and this is a courage I rarely find in myself. If I look away I know he'll take it as submission and I can't afford to live in his shadow for the entirety of my college life like I did for grade school.

"Tomorrow then at the cafe in the middle" Naz points over to a set of three eateries in a row that are located in the middle of campus after breaking the silence. "See you tomorrow Edd!" she grabs Kevins arm waving and steers him away though he continues to look at me, going so far as to turn his head. No doubt about it, we will have to address the problem he seems to have with me as adults some time soon.

I turn towards my room and head that way with my head down and trying to power through this feeling of inevitable doom. Something is going to go very wrong here and I know it, there is no universe where Kevin will be kind to me. I sigh wondering when it was that I offended him so. Ed was the one who was always picking fights with him.

I opened my single room door. Being gay was hard by itself but having to share a room with another guy who might have been straight was something I couldn't handle. If I was ever found out they'd probably beat the shit out of me. Shaking my head I tried to help my attitude with some positive thinking.

"You're much more equipped to defend yourself, stop moping around. Hit the gym" I encouraged myself out loud and snatched my keys off the dresser beside my bed. I was so sick of being seen as weak that I had started working out, weights were easier than cardio with my asthma. I'd bulked up to being a sizable 170lbs at 6 feet tall which was more than I'd ever imagined I'd make it to.

After I finished and drove home it was time to hit bed and I tossed and turned for a long time before finally falling into a restless sleep.

"He has something he wants to tell you Edd" Naz was practically exploding with excitement and standing behind her was Kevin. He was shirtless and sweaty, dirt streaking his cheek. I peaked around her to get a better look at the glistening skin.

He was tanned evenly and gorgeous, I felt my chest tighten as he took a step forward like earlier. This time I just looked up at him, he was right in front of me close enough to touch and Naz was long forgotten.

"Edd, I want you to... you know... please be..." he was searching for words. "You can't be real" I breathed and reached for him, sure enough he poofed away and I woke alone in my bed.

I shook my head wishing to never have a dream like that again. I got dressed as fast as I could and practically ran to my first class of the day which was all the way across campus.

When I got there I took my seat at the front of the class where I was almost always alone. Elizabeth took a seat next to me for whatever reason. I cringed, she was Kevins long time girlfriend and incredibly popular. She was even meaner to me than he had ever been. Perhaps because she'd felt genuinely mean while Kevin was more of a teaser than heartless.

"Dweeb, what is it that you and that slut were talking about with Kevin yesterday?" she sneered and I swear she had never looked so ugly. This face was not one she would ever show to Kevin. "I don't know what you're talking about" I blatantly lied to her face and we both knew it.

"You tell that skank to stay away from MY man or else she'll have some problems next time she uses a bathroom." she stood up trying to walk away, I wouldn't normally say anything but I reached for her hand "You should be careful not to let Kevin see you like this, jealousy really is so ugly. Especially when you're not very pretty to begin with Elizabeth."

Defending myself was one thing but I would protect Naz, she was innocent here and didn't have feelings for Kevin anyway. If it were to be truthfully told Naz was as gay as I but she wasn't out. Elizabeth was terrible to her for years behind Kevins back but Naz wanted him to be happy so she never said a single thing. Admirable.

"I will fucking end you" she whispered and I let go of her wrist as the teacher entered. "please take your seats."


	2. He's an animal

Hey, so I'm really enjoying myself here and I hope this won't disappoint. I'm sure that even after having my girlfriend read it over and look for mistakes I still have a few I missed. KevEdd is like the best pairing I never thought of! Hoping to make this a long and meaningful story that delights. Happy reading :)

KEVIN

"So what was up with you and double D yesterday?" Naz probed and wiggled her eyebrows in a seriously strange movement. "Nothing like what you're thinking Naz" I brushed it off because there was literally nothing to talk about. I'd had an urge to touch him but I have urges to touch a lot of people.

"He thinks you hate him you know... you should try and be nice. Drop the nicknames, they're rude Kev not endearing." I smile at her, she's stuffing salad in her mouth and speaking around the food. "Shouldn't you wait until he gets here to eat?" she's like a human garbage disposal, never stops eating. "This is only an appetizer, you should eat more you need to bulk up" she's pointing an insisting fork at me.

"Hello" Edd sits down on a free side of the table.

"Double D how was class today?"

"First period was...interesting. Naz I'd like to talk to you about that later I have some homework I need help with. Kevin, have you talked to your parents or anyone back home? I was wondering what Ralph and Johnny might be up to these days. Did they go to college also?"

"No, Ralph was never quite cut out for the whole... school thing, though he's happy with the farm and the chickens. Johnny joined the navy though and even took plank with him." I laughed thinking of him packing the piece of wood in a suit case and explaining it later to his crew.

"Sara and Jimmy are doing well also. They're looking into getting there own place close to campus. Sara is going to be a doctor and Jimmy plans on being an RN. My mother and father are happy I'll be doing something I really excel at, father pointed out several times that the public speaking of teaching was not my strong suit."

"My dad said school was a waste but I wanted to come anyway. I'd rather be playing baseball but football isn't so bad and my parents are happy."

The waitress came and asked what we'd all like for our lunch. I ordered the biggest burger they had, extra fries and cheese. Sara was smiling at the waitress asking for a double order or nachos and three sides of sour cream. When she got to double D he looked shocked.

"Just a turkey sandwich with the seasonal fruit please." I couldn't help laughing and Naz shot me a super scary look. We talked some more about home and school getting a general idea about what had happened over the summer.

"Paris was beautiful! And honestly the women their put the ones here to shame." I'd had a feeling for a long time that Naz was never really into guys, she turned me down countless times before high school and had never had a boyfriend to speak of. She did bring around a few lady friends that seemed really attached to her but nothing had ever come of that either.

"Brazil was something else to I must confess, the culture was... breathtaking." I smiled "Naz talking about women and you about culture. What's happening here?" she shrugged and leaned back on two legs in her chair.

I glanced sideways at Edd a few times trying not to seem like I was staring but damn was he fucking cute. He laughed quietly into his hand at something Naz said and I didn't actually hear but then he looked at me like he was expecting something.

"Kev, did you hear me? Hello space cadet!"

"I think what you said went over his head Naz, perhaps you should repeat yourself."

"I said Kevin should really just give up this football bullshit and get back into baseball, the team here would love you" I groaned, she had to bring this back up. "Naz, not a single chance. I have a scholarship for football and everyone is expecting me to follow through with this one thing.

"Are you worried you'd end up single if you weren't in charge of the apes any more?"

"Let it go, you know it don't matter."

"It does matter! You should be doing what you love not what everyone wants you to Kev..." Naz was so passionate about everything that tears were in her eyes as she offered encouragement to me to really do what I would have loved.

"Perhaps you'd have time to do both? You were quite passionate about baseball when we were younger." Double D was trying to help but I could feel my temper about to boil over. Just as I opened my big mouth to yell at them both a hand landed on my shoulder and I tipped back out of my chair.

"Kevin!" I kept my eyes closed laying on the floor for about 5 seconds longer than I should have, Lizzy was yelling at me. When I opened my eyes Edd was kneeling down next to me with his hand on my head looking at me with larger than normal ice blue eyes.

"I'm fine dude" I sat up coming nose to nose with Edd and a real nice crooked smile came to his face. "I was worried when you didn't open your eyes. I'm glad you're alright."

"Kevin, could we please talk?" Lizzy was hissing. I stood up and offered a hand that double D took to pull him up.

"Sure, why don't you sit down babe? You can share some food with me or Naz, we ordered a whole bunch."

"I'd like to talk to you in private if you don't mind." Her hand gripped the sleeve of my worn Letterman jacket pulling me away.

"We already ordered."

"Kevin I have to tell you something important. Please come back to the room with me." She wasn't asking though, the way she tugged on me told me I didn't have a choice.

"Rain check?" Double D nodded without incident but Naz looked openly upset. "Sure Kev, don't forget about what I said though. Do what you love man."

I threw a $20 on the table and waved while being dragged away.

"Kevin I looked like an idiot! You didn't tell me you were having lunch with those two!" more yelling as soon as the cafe door closed.

"It's not a big deal Liz, we were talking about home."

"It's a big deal when you don't include me. Those two both hate me, that dweeb was super rude to me in first hour this morning and here you are all buddy buddy with him. It makes me look like you don't have any respect for me. All the girls saw it and Jess came all the way to my room to tell me you were here sitting with him having a nice time."

"Look whatever it was just got mixed up, he's not a mean guy babe." My head was killing me at this point and I kissed her if for nothing else than to shut her up.

"They are both awful! what did she mean do what you love? Don't you love me Kevin?" Didn't work.

"You know I do. Just stop okay? Naz never says bad shit about you but that's all you do, talk shit about her and now Edd too!" Anger raging again. Her eyes widened with tears and I smacked my forehead.

"Please okay? Let's just leave it alone." We reached her door and she dragged me inside with her.

"Show me how much you love me baby, I want you." I attacked her trying for force the rage to quiet. Release was almost always enough.

NAZ:

I watched witchy drag Kevin off and sighed turning to Edd. "So what happened this morning?" I smiled trying to let it go.

"She said... well I think she intended on hurting you and after finding Kevin here I can't imagine she'll be very forgiving. I think you should say something Naz. He should really know the truth and you've been silent for so long."

I set all four legs of my chair on the ground as the waitress brought our food. She looked confused to find Kevin gone so I just asked for a box for his.

"It'll ruin our friendship. Besides I've been dying to punch her in the face for years and that would be a great opportunity don't you think?"

"I doubt she'd be the one to do it and if you get hurt I want you to know I will tell him myself. Lying is no way to conduct a friendship and the two of you are thick as thieves."

"She wouldn't dare and I'm not scared anyway. Who cares? She's just some bitch."

"She will ruin things for the both of you some day and it will be horrible."

I stuffed my face thinking about that. I should let Kevin go before it's to late and we end up hating each other. I should just casually let us drift and then he'd never have to suffer for me.

"I wish you guys could just... fuck." It just popped out of my mouth like things often do as I was leaning back in my chair again. Double D choked on his strawberry and I laughed out loud.

"Naz! Kevin doesn't really like me to begin with not to mention he's not gay. You should at least come out to him really..." he reached for a subject change.

"I think he wants you and the way he looks at you.. he'd go for it! Totally, you're hot Edd. He needs a nice guy like you to keep him in line." Edd turned about ten shades of red.

"Naz as previously stated Kevin is not homosexual and things would never work. He is committed and it is not _my_ job to do something about that. Perhaps you find yourself interested in him?"

"Are you teasing me?! You know I'm all about vagina dude. Besides Kevin has had sex with gu-" I clamped my mouth shut wishing I'd just shut up this time.

"He has?" interest turned behind cerulean eyes like watching a tornado form and I wondered what I'd just done. I threw my hands up in a gesture for myself, what's done is done.

"Hell I'm late for class! Take this to Kev would ya?" I shoved the styrofoam box at Edd, dropped some money and took off.

I wasn't late and had decided to take the rest of the day off anyway but I was trying to get them together. Maybe I was really on to something and I could save all of us from heart break and misery. Setting up my two best friends? Genius idea.

I was walking fast thinking about it and had almost reached my room when I realized I was crying. I would lose my very best friend all over some girl that I wasn't convinced he really even liked anyway.

EDD:  
I picked up the box warm with his burger and fries. They had left enough money to cover all of us and the tip so I just walked through the door. Class was over for me anyway so I made my way towards Kevins room.

So he'd had sex with other men? Contemplation played in my mind about what he might have done. Top or bottom?

 _Top for sure you filthy boy. Why are you thinking about these things anyway? He's committed and hates your guts, stop being an idiot pining over things you will never have!_

I stood in front of his door with a pounding heart, willing myself some courage I knocked softly and instantly regretted the obnoxious breaking of peaceful silence that had filled the hallway.

He nearly pulled the door off his hinges when he yanked it open looking like a wild animal. "Kevin?" I was going to ask what was bothering him but he pulled me inside and slammed the door locking it.

"Food" I offered and he just looked at me, appearing to be on the edge of sanity. "You should leave." He was clenching his teeth and flexing fingers.

"Forgive me, I know you don't think to highly of me." I reached around setting the box on his bed before turning to the door. Of course he wanted me to leave, my presence had never been something he favored much anyway.

"I like you double dweeb, you're to much for me right now. I don't want.." he stopped and I scoffed, as if.

"Dishonesty is unbecoming Kevin. Have a good night." He growled and slammed his hand on the door next to my face. My heart was racing at the sudden noise, anxiety creeping in.

"You calling me a liar?"

"I...I did not...no?" He flipped me around so I was facing him and acutely aware of his face being a mere three inches from mine. Although personal space was never an issue for him it surely was for me, something about the way he watched me made me shiver.

"Good, 'cuz I wasn't. I think I just might-" his leg moved between mine "-like you a little too much." I gasped like a girl, trying to keep from making any noise. Beautiful emerald eyes searched for something, most likely a response but when my mouth opened nothing came out and I'm sure I looked foolish standing with mouth agape.

He bit his lip growling again, what an animalistic sound. I felt like prey again but this time I was drawn in. His calloused finger found my bottom lip and in the dimly lit area in front of his door I became incoherent. My spread legs trembled wondering just what was happening, surely the lack of oxygen was doing something to my head.

Forest green eyes watched my mouth and I knew then what he wanted. My tongue darted out to wet my dry lips anticipating what he might do. Why was I just waiting? Did I not want out of here and out of his gaze?

"Edd.." he sounded pained and I was lost in beautiful green depths that seemed dimmed by some inner term oil. I rose up to kiss him, wishing nothing more than comfort.

He was perfectly still as my lips barely brushed his and I felt my face burning pink. Why did I- bruising force pressed me against the door between cold wood and hot flesh.

It took me a moment to register that Kevin was indeed on me, kissing me, demanding I respond and God did he deserve a response. I opened my mouth in compliance and he found his way in easily engaging my tongue, rubbing it with his own and giving silent promise he would be just as skilled with that appendage in all places.

I grabbed well muscled forearm and squeezed tightly, my nails bit into flesh and he made the most delicious sound. He grabbed my ass in both hands and pressed me harder to him and all thought vanished. I made a sound of need and desire which placed a smile on his lips that I felt against my own.

Suddenly back to statue still he stopped. With a great effort he turned away from me abruptly cursing loudly. "Leave! Fuck if you don't..." he whispered the last part harshly and I was so startled I ran out of the room without a second thought.

 _You want him don't you? Filthy boy, stop this madness before you end up on the receiving end of something you never meant to initiate._

KEVIN:

"Son of a bitch!" I punched a brick wall and it felt so good to be able to focus on the pain rather than the rage. I let him get away. I couldn't focus, the fuck with Lizzy had only made me angrier when I wasn't actually able to finish.

I had attacked him, all but sexual assault. Then like an ass I'd sent him running, who knows what would have happened if I hadn't stopped myself. My dick throbbed and I groaned, this shit was dumb!

I reached under the bed for a bottle of fireball that was unopened and cracked it. I drank half of it in one go praying that this made it stop. Sometimes a blinding rage grabbed hold of me and made me do things that I didn't mean. I was hurtful and forceful, rude and brutal. Lizzy had just kicked me out.

I dialed Naz on my flip phone knowing she was in class.

"Hey" she was trying to hide a shakiness from her voice but I knew instantly.

"Own up" I commanded trying for distraction.

"Just mom and dad bullshit, where are you?"

"Room. Double D came."

"Did you hurt him?"

"No, scared maybe. Kissed him."

"You like him Kev?"

"Maybe? Gay?"

"Sexuality isn't like that, if you like a person than you like the person not the gender right?"

I swallowed down the rest of my bottle and threw myself on the bed covering my face with my arm.

"Liz and me, she was pissed. I couldn't..."

"I'm coming up. Be there in 3, save me some." Booze.

I reached for the peach Ciroc, a Naz favorite, and cracked it open. Sure enough she used her key and threw herself down on the bed next to me after chugging half her bottle.

"Are you still mad?"

"Nah, I think I'm tipsy. Why is she so pissy all the time? I know we don't talk about it much but do you really hate Elizabeth? Like are you mean to her when I'm not around and shit?"

She sat up on my bed and looked like she was kinda dizzy. "Fuck you Kevin! She's the popular one, how would I be the one to cause the problem?" I should have kept my mouth shut.

"She said Edd was a dick today but I can't see that. She says you're a dick too but I _can_ see that." I smiled hoping she'd lighten up but her eyes filled with tears.

"Sorry." I brushed blond hair from her face and wished I had just shut up. "You have no idea how awful she is." Naz laid her head on my chest and opened up for the first time in a long time.

"I'm a lesbian and it's hard. She thinks I'm in love with you or something, I do love you Kev... but you're missing some very important things for me. I think you should take Edd out! I know you think you love her but _I_ think maybe you..." she shook her head and we just laid there.

I knew Naz was gay and that didn't bother me one bit, she was right I didn't care who she decided to fuck. I wondered what she meant when she said Lizzy was awful though? I hoped this would just kinda go away but I won't get that lucky.

"Call him tomorrow okay? Tell him you're sorry at least." She fell asleep and I followed her lead snuggled up but feeling empty.

When I woke I found a note from Naz on the bedside table

 _Kev,_

 _Thanks for the bottle, see you in third_

HOPING YOU'RE ENJOYING! LET ME KNOW? INSPIRATION IS KIND. LOVE ENA.


	3. Bathroom brawl

So is anyone really reading this? Anyway, if you are reading I'm hoping that I'll keep you on your toes and coming back to finish each chapter update. If I finish this I'm imaging a very long 60K or so. CHEARS!

EDD:

I slammed the door to my room shut while my heart hammered away in my ears. Had that just happened? What was wrong with me?

 _You fell for pretty green eyes and obnoxious red hair. How could you? What if he hadn't stopped? You wanted to have sex with him! He doesn't like you or value you as a person but you wanted to let him disrobe you, FILTH!_

Everything was screaming at me, how was I about to let that happen? It was only a kiss, just take a breath. Nothing happened really, it's all harmless. I would do my best from this moment to avoid Kevin at all costs and just tune this whole thing out. Nothing would come of it, no one would ever know and it would just dissipate. No big thing.

I threw off my beloved black and white beanie and landed face first on me bed. It shouldn't be hard to just stay out of sight, though it wasn't something I prided myself on with little effort fading into the background was my specialty.

I tried for sleep in silence but to no avail, my mind wouldn't stop replaying the feel of soft lips on my own. Groaning I flipped over to look at the white ceiling and try to clear my mind. I must have laid like that for at least an hour before finally finding restless sleep.

"Eddward Vincent, where have you been?" I turned to face someone standing in the doorway of my childhood home. The voice talking to me was familiar, a strong male who's name escaped me.

"Eddy and I visited a local eatery to procure some lunch." Why was my heart racing like this? The shadowed figure in the doorway stepped closer and I flinched away.

 _Have you not been in this exact situation before? Why are you dreaming of this? Pulling forth such memories will only hurt you in the long run, these days are long since passed._

"Don't be like that, I'm not mad." A large pale hand reached for me and gently stroked my hair. "I am however inconvenienced by your lateness."

The soft voice was suddenly hard and raging, on the verge of yelling. "I was but 7 minutes late, we ran in to a bit of traffic that was a hindrance and it could not be helped." My body and voice trembled as I offered the excuse I'd been replaying in my head since I realized that we would not make it back in time.

The shadows cleared from around the man, a gasp caught in my throat. He was beautiful with pale blond hair and large brown eyes that were unforgiving. In an instant the seemingly loving hand struck my face hard enough for me to fall to the floor.

 _Here we are again. Remember not to get up, just lay here and apologize. He will forgive you in his own time, if you argue or become volatile then it will be you who pays the price. Rest now._

 _"_ I'm sorry." I was repeating again and again as I tried to tune out the ranting of a lunatic to no avail, every insult stuck like glue in my head.

Long legs crouched down next to me, the sharp voice gone replaced by something much more sinister. "To our room Eddward, we will miss the engagement tonight, I have something much better planned."

I sat up in a cold sweat willing the ocher eyes from my mind. It had been a long time since I've thought about _him._ Perhaps my encounter with Kevin had brought up some old memories. Forcing myself into a cold shower the memory of the dream dulled allowing me some peace.

I made my way to my first class, running late for me but on time for everyone else. When I walked into the room Elizabeth sat in my spot, though we had none in actuality I sat in the same space every day of this class. Surely she was attempting to taunt me, feeling guilty over kissing her boyfriend I sat in the very back today without fuss.

After class was over she came slinking to the back where I sat, looking as devious as ever. "Dweeb you might want to go check on poor Naz, I hear she had an accident. Who knows what could have happened?"

I shot up from my chair in a millisecond and was in her face even faster, feeling unabashed by everyone looking at us I yelled "If you actually hurt her I will expose you for the liar and hateful person you are!" she faked shock as if I had acted for nothing though, glancing around to make sure everyone heard and saw us. "Edd I would never do that! Naz and Kevin are best friends and she's such a sweet girl. How could you accuse me of something like that?"

Even faker tears sprung up while I made a mad dash for the restroom between Naz's first and second class. It came into view and I was wheezing like crazy, but seeing the sign spurred me faster and I threw the door open praying I was not to late.

Naz was slumped over though behind a sink and bleeding profusely from the mouth. A black eye and split eyebrow were also grotesque features that made me shake. I rushed to help her up and she just smiled at me. "I guess three to one means I never stood a chance hu? Besides if I'd listened I'd be fine."

Regret for not telling someone sooner, not stopping this senseless violence was dragging me down and stealing the bit of oxygen I had left. We walked from the girls bathroom both ashamed for different things, actions not able to reflect what we were feeling.

"We will go to Kevin now, this behavior ends today! I will stand idly by no more." Naz looked panicked and insisted otherwise.

"He's never gonna listen and it will turn into a fight for nothing. It's over and so is our friendship."

"Kevin may be insensitive at times but the evidence is irrefutable! I will do so myself, she has terrorized you far to long and it's all been for nothing. You are not in love with Kevin and never have been, it is time to set things straight."

"You should make him happy Edd. He kissed you last night and told me about it, he likes you man. If you stick your nose in it then he'll hate us both..."

"What are you guys..." the stubborn guy in question came walking up with a bitchy blond tucked under his arm who was practically beaming with joy at seeing Naz in such bad shape.

Kevin was struggling clearly, trying to piece things together in his head. "Naz what the hell happened?" he let go of Elizabeth and grabbed Naz holding her shoulders for dear life.

Her eye was beginning to swell and her ankle was injured if the limp was any indication. I was seething with rage, barely able to contain myself from attacking a woman. She said nothing, just watched emotions flow over his face.

"It's nothing Kev." That was all she said before brushing him off, removing his hands and attempting to walk away.

"Naz! Tell the truth or so help me I will. This will be said today, right now." Kevin looked at me with shock and Naz had real tears of regret in her eyes.

"No one believes people like us Edd, we don't mean shit. Let it go" she waved her hand above her head still walking away as if she would be able to run from this. She was unable to run at all!

"Kevin your monster of a girlfriend had her lackeys attack your best friend in the ladies restroom! And look what they've done to her."

"Nah man, you got it wrong. Naz would have told me."

"Did you hear nothing she has said? How about Elizabeth? She knows nothing of Naz but always seems jealous wouldn't you say? Surely you saw the harm caused to her, someone had to have attacked the poor girl. You know of her strength but a three to one fight was not something she was ever going to win. Does anyone besides your beloved come to mind when you're asked about people that don't like Naz?"

Elizabeth steadily denied all claims. "I love you to much to hurt someone you care for!"

"She is cruel, rude and a sham Kevin I can speak of that first hand. Please do make sure you check on Naz, she is truly in agony not only physically but emotionally. She believes it is best to cut ties with you now, to let you have a future with someone who you believe makes you happy. I am here only to point out the truth, that she loves you dearly and would not stand by while a fate as this were to befall _you_."

I turned on my heal hoping I'd made my point. There was nothing more I could do but I wished silently that Kevin had the common sense to talk to Naz and she would confide in him. Either way this would break at least one relationship, I was at least able to force him to ask the hard questions. Naz deserved as much.

KEVIN:

My head was pounding trying to take in all this information. "Babe, you know I would never hurt anyone. Your best friend? Come on right? He's probably just jealous of what we have, he's a little fag ya know." I cringed at her words, so harsh and unforgiving.

"I have to talk to Naz." I was mumbling and walking in the general direction she had been walking. Nurse. "Kevin, don't you believe me? We should go together!" she clung to my arm, nails biting where double D had yesterday and I smiled looking at the crescent scabs. "Nah, you gotta stay here" I pried her manicured fingers from my arm and left her standing alone.

"Don't come back Kevin, we are _so_ done! You actually think I'm lying. I know you don't trust me and I'm sick of it. Go tell her how much you want to be with her and don't fucking come back!"

"You actually did it didn't you?"

"I would never!"

"She said you were awful last night but I thought maybe it was just because we were drunk. Nope, you're a real cunt aren't cha'?"

"You were drunk with her last night? Alone in your room!?"

"Yeah, and there was kissing too. Damn, I should have listened sooner." She was fuming, her face as red as I'd ever seen.

"YOU KISSED HER?!"

"Nope, I kissed dorko. He was way better babe, I gotta say you musta stopped doing it for me a long time ago. No wonder I couldn't finish hu? Damn, I'm stupid."

I didn't turn to look at her, for some reason I felt like I was flying. I was free and damn it felt good, it had been to long since I was my own person. Mom and dad would be pissed, they were not gonna take this lightly but in that moment I took off in a dead sprint to the nurse without a care in the world except Naz.

When I reached the door she was already in a bed and looked to be sound asleep. I watched her from the door, her face was relaxed despite the blood and bruising. She was at peace wherever she'd drifted to, for that I was thankful.

I heard a toilet flushing and double D came out with a paper towel in his hand. He looked up to me surprised as if he thought I'd have just ignored the whole situation and abandon her.

"What are you doing here?"

"She's _my_ best friend dude, I belong here."

"I'm very glad you listened to reason, Naz was sure she would only inconvenience you. Her stubborn refusal to let you in on this secret bullying tormented me, I could stand by no longer."

I sighed and felt ashamed of my self. "I knew man, I just didn't want to. I wanted things to be awesome for all of us but something was off. You can tell that chicks are going at it 'cuz they're totally brutal about shit for no reason."

"Yes, in conversation Elizabeth was always a bit rude even before this whole thing with Naz. What a predicament, I'd say she values you very highly Kevin, to put up with such nonsense in silence."

"She don't know when to let go or to say no for herself, but she pushes everyone else to do great things. She's a genuine person man and that's rare."

"I think, perhaps, you are also genuine. Without a second thought of what would happen to your pre planned future you let Elizabeth go for the sake of friendship and respect. That is a beautiful thing mister Barr."

I smiled at the dork and he smiled back. Damn was that beautiful for sure. "Thanks." I whispered almost sure he'd never hear it. "Any time."

I shrugged and turned around ready to get back to my room. Naz would be out for a few hours at least and I needed to get Lizzys shit together and call mom before she did.

"Oh by the way, I told her I kissed you. I think she was shocked to silence because for once she kept her big mouth shut. No one will believe her anyway but just so you know." I turned back for a moment and winked at him.

His face drained of color and his mouth fell open, what a pretty mouth. I bit my tongue to keep from doing things I shouldn't. "Talk about it later, see you soon dorko."

"KEVIN! How could you do that? She already didn't like me. This is insanity, tell me you're joking. Have you no decency man? Can't you keep your mouth shut?" A very frazzeled dork was a cute one I must admit.

"It seemed like you enjoyed my mouth open better though." I closed the door on loud protesting laughing to myself.

I dialed mom as I walked out praying that Liz hadn't thought of it yet.

"Kevin have you lost your mind?!" obviously I was too late.

"Mom look, she beat up Naz and I'm sick of the bullying crap. I'm not happy with her okay? Other girls do exist, my life should not be planned out already. I need some space."

" _GIRLS KEVIN._ Poor Lizzy said you told her that you were kissing boys while drunk in your dorm room. She deserves some respect and she said that her friends did that to Naz without telling her because they saw her coming out of your room this morning. Fix this Kevin. Now." Her tone was as harsh as it got for mom and I cringed. My line went dead and she'd actually hung up on me, I was stunned.

I'd never had much of a preference, girls were hot and so were guys. I liked it both ways as long as I was on top in any situation. I'd been with some smokin girls but equally hot guys. I was just in it for a fun ride and I always had one.

My mother was sweet and accepting of everything but gays. You would never know of her prejudice because she didn't even speak on it unless openly asked.

Without more thinking I dialed dad which was what I should have done in the first place.

"Son."

"Look, I can explain-"

"No need for explanations, you were never meant to last kiddo. Don't worry about your mother, I'll take care of it. About this boys business-"

"Can we not right now?" I was grateful but it was starting to rain and I needed some time to think about my next move.

"Come home this weekend boy, we gotta talk. I could use your help at the shop."

"Got it, see you Friday night." He hung up and I was relieved though surprised. I thought for sure that he'd be just as mad as mom, but dad had never really liked Lizzy anyway and always said I was to young to be dating. Mom liked the idea of small town love from a young age, fairy tale shit.

I opened my door and dumped out the dresser drawer full of crap that was not mine, picked up girly stuff from my bathroom and avoided eye contact with the room mate I never spoke to anyway.

It was getting late and I needed to get to get ready for practice so I jumped in the shower, got dressed in uniform and headed to my last class of the day after grabbing my bag. Football was so not what I wanted to be doing tonight.

 _What do you want to be doing tonight?_ Edd.

How could this break up thing possibly go wrong right? Anyway here's hoping everyone is still enjoying. Let me know if you could be so kind? Thanks as always, Ena. 


	4. Edd is beautiful

Reviews? Why thank you! I still hope I'm not disappointing anyone with any OOCness or messy writing. My best friend proof reads for me but no one is perfect, especially not us. Without farther ado, and two days earlier than I was gonna post, chapter four is upon us! Happy reading! 

EDD:

I stayed with Naz for quite some time, the nurse said she'd called her dad and given her some good stuff for the pain. Her ankle was broken and her nose fractured, seeing a doctor was pressing. Eventually her father came to collect her with a soft knock at the door.

"Hey sweets." He poked his head in and was alarmed to see me.

"Hello, Naz is currently sleeping. I doubt she'll wake up without some prompting any time soon. May I assist you in getting her to a car?"

"Geez Edd, of course I'd find you here. Where is Kev?"

"He is at football practice I would imagine. He said he'd be back but I have no clue when he intends on coming."

"I got a wheel chair so we'll be okay. Thanks kid, the nurse said you were...pretty good to her today. You and Kevin are the only long term friends she's got so thanks."

I smiled and watched my shoes, the truth was she was a great friend to me and I only tried to return the favor. He lifted her into the chair and was gone without another word.

I decided to make my way back to my room and go out. I had a little book shop that I liked to visit and tomorrow I only had one afternoon class to go to. Without incident I did just that and returned.

I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket and removed it promptly without even looking at the name I accepted. "Eddward speaking, how can I-"

"You haven't called in two weeks! It's hard to ignore you if you don't even remember to call double D!" Eddy.

"Forgive me Eddy, I've had quite an eventful few days. Would you be available to talk now so I might fill you in?"

"Hold on." I heard background noise from the auto mechanic Eddy works at

"This better be good, so spill."

I told him everything that had happened, leaving out the kiss, but sparing no detail otherwise.

"Great, can't wait to see Naz. Are you coming to visit soon?" I hadn't given it much thought.

"Maybe next weekend, I know the carnival will be in town."

"Yo Ed! Sock head is coming home next weekend, clear your plate lumpy we're all going to the fair!" I heard Ed give an excited reply but I couldn't understand what he was saying.

"Are you... okay? You haven't had a dream like that in a long time. Waking up alone must have sucked, you coulda called."

"I will do so next time, thank you Eddy. I know he's out and walking around so maybe that's why..."

"Alright me and lumpy will get it together for ya and make sure to clean up the house. See you soon double D!"

"I will see you next weekend then. Goodbye Eddy."

I did want to go home, I'd been waiting for some time now but it just never seemed like a good opportunity presented itself.

A knock on my door brought my attention back to the living and out of my head.

I opened the door to Kevin who was panting and looking quite beat up. His hair was a mess, he was caked in mud and the scratch on his cheek was bleeding at an astounding rate. He pushed his way past me and headed for my bathroom without acknowledging me.

"Mister Barr are you alright? Also it is preferable to ask permission for entrance before barging in to ones..." I opened the bathroom door and he was sitting pressing toilet paper to his face and slumped over, looking to be totally defeated.

I knelt down beside him after snagging some alcohol from the cabinet to clean him up. "Let me help, I've got some basic medical training."

"Just dump it on and let it burn, doesn't take a genius." He was clearly agitated and wasn't making eye contact with me.

"Why did you come here?" he shrugged and winced as I lightly wiped trying to clean off caked on dirt. _Oh infection!_

"Team's pissed at me, people waiting at my door. Naz is gone, can't stay in girls dorm anyway." My heart sped up, was he asking to stay here?

"You need a room?"

"She'd never tell anyone about me and you, embarrass herself like that. Your place is safe, if it's okay."

"Yes, I have some space to accommodate you. Please stay as long as you need."

"Thanks man, and just so ya know... I don't tease you to be mean or nothin', you just get this look on your face and it's so... how do I put this? Like, cute? You know, like I wanna do it some more because seeing you pout is totally worth every second. Naz said I should say I'm sorry, so I am."

I laughed out loud, all this time I'd thought he was just being rude and careless, he looked startled by the sudden noise and that brought out even louder laughing.

"Oh my...all this...all this time I thought for sure I had you figured out. I thought you hated me without real reason because of Eddy and our stark contrasting personality but I... well I was wrong." I spoke around laughter.

He grabbed hold of my dabbing hand and a mischievous smile all Kevin spread over his features. No more sulking, he was back to the predator.

"So you're inviting me to stay a while hu? Great, but I need some clothes and a shower. Care to help out?"

"I can lend you some shorts although I'm regretful to say my shirts probably won't fit. I'd be more than happy to launder your clothing and help you turning on the shower. I've got everything that you'd need right under this sink."

He pulled me closer, nose to nose. "Not what I meant. I'm looking for some more hands on help." I felt my face grow hot and my anxiety shoot up.

He bit his lip and laughed "Just kidding. Help me with the shower though? I'm so sore." He discarded the shirt after releasing me, I got up and turned hot water on.

Tan skin stretched over sizable muscle and I couldn't help but notice how incredible he looked.

"Like what you see?"

"Forgive me, I've been working out and am impressed with the bulk you have obtained. I can't seem to really do that."

"Want some help?" He walked right up to me, looking down and pinning me between him and cold tile wall. Instead of backing down I looked back up, meeting forest green with cerulean blue.

"I think you're sorta beautiful. I should leave you alone or you might get hurt, you should get away from me. I'm more trouble than I'll ever be worth."

"I believe that would be my choice to make." What was he trying to say anyway?

"You better decide fast 'cuz I ain't got very good self control. I'll fuck up your whole world and you'll love every second of it."

Would I love every second? Wasn't I just dying to find out?

"Maybe it is you who should be cautious, you are a genuine person and very upfront. What do you know of me?"

"I know that you want me and I want you."

 _EDDWARD MARION VINCENT! STOP THIS MADNESS NOW! As previously stated he will mess up everything. You have no time for this, and he's a brute. Nothing like your type at all._

I found courage and met him head on, why deny myself this? It will be less of an obsession once it's over and we can both move on. I have nothing to risk.

"Well mister Barr, do make sure the door is locked."

Half smile on full lips as he leaned around me and clicked the lock. "You're mine." He was on me in an instant, mouth demanding hands exploring.

He lifted my shirt over my head and I kissed him back with ferocity, diving inside his mouth hot and wet. He groaned and I pushed on his hard chest lightly dusted in freckles until he hit the glass of the shower. Hands found my hips and began yanking my jeans off without even unbuttoning them.

It was feverish need controlling me, his basketball shorts slid down with little resistance as the little bit of self control I'd been clinging to went with them.

I sucked lightly on his neck, biting when he grabbed my ass.

KEVIN

Edd bit my neck and off flew his boxers, I wanted him. I was throbbing behind thin cotton but worried about how fast this was going. He sprung free just as hard as me but suddenly looking embarrassed.

"Hey, you and me. You're still fucking perfect." I meant every word of it, he was pale and so sweet looking. Shy Edd trying not to stair but I lived for this stuff. I wanted all his attention and would do just about anything to get it, he would remember my name for the rest of his life.

I sunk to my knees and looked up at him with my best bad boy smirk. "Ask for it." I wanted to hear that he wanted me too.

"Please Kevin..." I could barely hear him but I knew this was hard for him and honestly I wanted a taste. I grabbed the base of his shaft and pumped slowly at first, he jerked when I touched him in surprise. Had he flinched?

I licked the tip, a salty drop coating my tongue. Slowly working my tongue all the way down to the base and back up I could feel his hand digging in to my shoulder. I took his whole cock in my mouth then, swirling and flicking away at it earning me some real nice sounds from my cute little dork.

He was shaking and panting, refusing to make eye contact with me, this was delectable. I stopped and stood up tracing pink lips with my finger before putting one in his mouth, he eagerly sucked on it and damn, I had to put the second digit in.

His pale face was flushed, drool coating my fingers and eyes half shut. I wanted to remember this and asked as much. "Can I _please_ get a pic of this?"

"Not a chance." He did find some courage to pull down my boxers and I noticed the shock on his face, I was a good ten inches and pretty thick. Nothing to laugh about and probably pretty intimidating, not that he was small either, nine easy.

"Can...can I touch you?" blue eyes were wide with desire and something more... it seemed like this was deeper for him than just... "Do it."

He grabbed me and pumped slowly, building heat pooled in my stomach. "Like this Kevin?" he licked his hand and replaced it, pumping faster. I groaned, yes dork just like that.

I was close from just his hand, embarrassing. When was the last time I'd finished? Forever ago. He dropped to his knees though and when he looked up through long inky lashes I almost lost it. "Have you...ever?" _have you done this before?_

"Not quite like this... but I think you'll find me acceptable." Zero hesitation he popped me in his mouth and _holy fuck!_ warm and wet and that tongue, it had to be almost as good as mine. Almost. He knew just how to move his hand and mouth at the same time and I was ready to explode after about five minutes. "Stop.. I'll cum if you don't stop." I was panting and trembling already.

His head bobbed faster totally ignoring everything I just said and suddenly a hot tingle went from my toes to the top of my head, I could feel myself squirt again and again into his mouth. Exquisite pleasure shook me and almost took me to my knees. I forgot how good this was, guys were always better at pleasing guys, we know what we like right?

I was expecting him to jump back, spit it out, come to his senses and kick me out of the room. Instead he swallowed and big eyes found mine asking what now. "Now you're turn." I sunk back down and did him the same favor.

He shuttered and made mewling sounds of need as I pumped and sucked, licking all the right places. Soon he jerked trying to get away but I held him in place. No way, I was going to return the whole favor. "Kevin please, you must cease." Not a chance.

Suddenly hot ribbons of white filled my mouth and he cried out in a delicious sound, nails digging and surely drawing blood. I kept going as he squirmed and pulled, trying to get away. Until he finally stopped fighting I swallowed and continued my attention to his still throbbing cock.

 _You are beautiful double D._

Finally well spent he drooped and just stood. I backed off and stood slowly, kissing my way up his abdomen and leaving a hickey on his stomach. He would not forget me any time soon.

I turned the shower on easily and dragged him in with me, he was silent and looked upset. "Hey dorko, wanna fess up? You can so _not_ be disappointed with my show. I was great, so what's the problem?"

"Kevin... well I've never... consensual sexual actions are not something I've ever taken part in. I suppose I know not what to say."

"Like you've never done anything willingly? So you've done stuff not willingly?"

"I've no desire to speak of that."

"Well you don't have to say anything, let's just wash up and pop in a movie okay?" Not willingly. Someone had touched him without permission, someone had done something horrible. He was desperately but quietly trying to scrub off my hickey and suddenly I felt shame. Why hadn't he said something? And now he didn't want to talk about it.

We finished washing and I threw myself on the only bed in the room after snagging a remote. "Excuse me, that is my bed." I laughed, whatever.

"Don't you wanna cuddle man? I feel all warm and fuzzy." I reached for him and pulled him down between my legs, head resting on my chest. I didn't have to look to know he was red as a fire engine.

"I most certainly do not want to cuddle _man._ " He tried to slip away but I grabbed him holding tight. "No way, we're watching a movie. You can pick though." I opened up the menu and began scrolling through channels on a large flat screen mounted to the wall.

"Oh Titanic! Let's watch that please. An epic romance and beautiful leading characters, Leonardo DiCaprio is something to behold is he not?"

"Really? Titanic? Fine, sure. I don't know who that is though."

"Jack you fool! The male lead through the whole movie."

"I've never actually watched it."

He whipped around in my arms mouth hanging open. Surprise turned to happiness on his face, super adorable. "Good, then we shall share the experience, I'll go make pop corn and we can watch together."

He stood up and pranced happily over to his microwave warming a bag of movie theater butter pop corn and returned to his spot between my legs as the movie started with no complaints.

He was right, Leo was pretty good looking.

We watched the whole movie, Edd threw my clothes in a washer down the hall, cleaned the seemingly spotless room up. It was almost as if no one lived here. Everything looked brand new, like no one even lived here at all. I recalled going in to his house when we were younger and it was the same thing. His parents left him sticky notes all over everything and they dotted his room now as well, identifying things.

"What's up with the sticky notes?"

He was remaking the bed we were about to sleep in, pulling the sheet tight. "They just keep order to things. Everything has it's place." He hummed while tidying up some more, it seemed like he was happiest when cleaning.

 _Or when he's in your mouth, at your mercy._

I shook my head of the image from earlier. He hadn't touched the bathroom which seemed unlikely. "You gonna clean up our mess?"

"I shall tomorrow, I haven't the correct disinfectant at the moment." No wonder, I rolled my eyes. I loved looking at beds unmade from nights of passion, clothes littering the floor in a hurried attempt to get them off, marks on bodies that I'd made. I guess I was much messier than he was ready to deal with.

I had promised to fuck it all up hadn't I? Pretty sure I'd follow through on that one, I always had before. Watching him with such joy on his face made me wish, just this once, that maybe I'd be enough.

 _Doubtful dude, you never are._

Hope that was satisfactory. I'll be doing my best to update once a week though who knows, could be more or less any given time. Thanks everyone for reading! Hope you have a great weekend. -Ena. 


	5. When I get back

THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS! I hope everyone continues to enjoy and I did my best to make it a little more clear who was talking. If anyone is still having problems or has any suggestions let me know! Anyway, happy reading. 

EDD:

I woke sure that I'd find myself alone, last night was just a dream. I had completely lost my mind and would never be able to find it in myself to be so bold anyway. I pried my eyes open, surely there would be no one there.

He looked peaceful in sleep, no cap or mean scowl his face was completely relaxed. All lines were gone and he was very... handsome. The freckles that dotted his face were barely noticeable and adorable, giving him a child like feature along with unruly bangs that always poked through the hat but otherwise cropped red hair.

His arm was slung around my waist as he laid on his belly and I did my best to move without waking him. It did not appear to matter, seemingly a train could have run through the room without disturbing him. I glanced at the clock reading 8:00AM, I was a bit late for my usual morning routine and that was all I could handle.

Panic crept up, grabbing tight and chocking me. I could hardly breath and took off into the bathroom slamming the door shut. It was a mess in here, hand prints on my shower door, things knocked off the counter, nothing replaced to it's home after last night. I gasped feeling my throat closing, I was about to have an asthma attack and my mind was to cloudy to remember where my inhaler was placed, nothing was where it should be.

I slid to the floor feeling light headed and wondering if I'd pass out. I began to sob uncontrollably, every inhale shaking my entire body with effort. I could not escape this feeling of dread and horror that possessed me entirely. What had I done?

 _Eddward you were well within your faculties to understand consent at that time. You wanted it you filthy child and it is to late to take back now. You must kick that man out of your bed, grab your cleaning supplies and put things back to order before chaos descends in its entirety and you spiral desperately out of control!_

How could I have let things get this way? I'd never even had any sexual encounters that I'd been willing in, or at least that was according to my counselor. I had consented to last night though, I'd even asked nicely and encouraged him to do the same for me. This man I knew next to nothing about, and who had tormented me as a child, had performed oral sex on me and I'd enjoyed every second of it! How? This was... wrong. I did not love him, barely knew him.

I stood up finding the will to locate my inhaler before blackness did swallow me. I yanked the door open and ran to the bedside drawer where it was located as it always was. I opened it and a sense of calm washed over me, finally something exactly where it should be. I uncapped and breathed in feeling my lungs open and anxiety dissipate. Thank god for this feeling of control, I needed to get things back in order.

Kevin was watching me with wide eyes full of questions I was in no position to answer. I avoided him, smiling through tear stained face while my hands still shook. "Are you... can I help you clean up or anything?" A sweet gesture and I was grateful for him not asking everything I'm sure he wanted to know.

"Well yes Kevin, if you would really like to stay in the room with me for a few days then I'd like to set up some ground rules. Perhaps I can print something out for you?"

He laughed out loud, realized I was serious and nodded without farther probing. Maybe having him around didn't have to be all bad.

"I'll see you soon. Please go get some clothes and other things that you need from your room, after my only class today I will go to the library to make the list and head back here for you to review."

"I'm actually heading home for the weekend tomorrow so you won't have to worry about it for a few days. If you ever feel the need to kick me out dude, please do. I'm real shitty at reading people and I can't tell if you're serious or not half the time."

"Oh, I intend to go back home next weekend. How amusing, though the carnival is next weekend."

"I wanted to go... but pops asked me to come back sooner. My mom's real upset about the whole thing with Lizzy and I dunno if dad can smooth it over or not."

"Yes, your mother was always very nice. She often baked for the class and did lots of PTA things, I'd imagine she's feeling perplexed. Elizabeth is a good liar and probably had her completely fooled."

"My mom's pretty smart but she always wanted to have a little girl and Lizzy filled that role for her. They text, call, they even do lunch and shit sometimes man. I think she likes mom better than me and it's not gonna matter what I say because mom is NEVER gonna believe me."

"Perhaps your fathers input might mean something."

"Dad... he always thought I was to young, not that he hated her or anything. He just wanted me to experience life and live it how I wanted to regardless of others, I've made a lot of decisions based on how Liz feels about shit. It's gonna change now though."

I hoped for Kevin that things would go well with his parents, they might not want to believe Kevin but hopefully his happiness will make a difference in how they see things. Why did I really care anyway?

I waved and headed towards the door but Kevin grabbed my hand "Would you come to the game tonight?"

"I don't keep up with sports... but I am free so I will consider it." He smiled at me and I almost melted, he was just so handsome. Even though we had nothing in common and he was not at all my type I felt drawn to him. Perhaps the allure of something one is not supposed to have, something that was not meant for me.

He released me and I darted out of the room as quickly as I was able. I will not be sucked in to this! We will inhabit the same space for a few days and that will be the end of it. Last night will not happen again, I've gotten my sick curiosity out of the way and we have nothing to offer one another.

 _He's asked you to attend his game tonight, would you be willing to go watch people engage in senseless acts of violence over a ball for him? You know nothing of the sport he plays and admittedly doesn't like himself. You should kick him out before something even more appalling than last night occurs and you can not just make sideways excuses for yourself. What happens to him is not your concern, you are not his friend and Naz can take it from here._

I thought about calling her but I was at the door of my class and promised myself I'd do so after this lecture was over. Would I tell her what was happening with us? And had I not just assured myself there was nothing happening anyway? UGH.

I sat through my class and dialed Naz on the way to get some food.

"Double D! What's up man?" she answered happily.

"How are you feeling?"

"Doc says it's nothin serious and gave me some good meds. I got a cast for my ankle and get to have a nose job so I don't look eternally fucked up. Joke's on them, now I don't gotta pay out of pocket because insurance is gonna cover it. Rad right?" I sighed but smiled, Naz the ever positive. How could I expect anything less? "Well I'm glad you're feeling well. I was worried."

"So did Kev..." she sounded very stressed about this.

"Oh Naz, he broke up with Elizabeth! I forgot you had not been informed."

I told her the story of him coming to my room after being harassed by Elizabeth's friends. "Did anything good happen?" I could hear the suggestion dripping in her voice.

"I would never kiss and tell even if it had." I was much to proper to forfeit all information of last nights escapades anyway.

"Of course not, well hopefully I'll get the full story some day." From Kevin perhaps.

"Okay man, I can't wait to get back. My nose is getting fixed tomorrow and then I get to come back after they release me. I'll see you soon."

"I hope you're feeling good as new soon." I clicked end feeling satisfied that she was doing alright and otherwise happy.

KEVIN:

I got dressed and tried my best to get the bed made as perfect as Edd had it before I came in and made a huge mess, I wanted to feel like I could fit in here but I was having a hard time. I pulled out my phone to call Naz and tell her I was sorry for being an ass but had 16 text messages.

From Liz:  
 _Kevin it's Lizzy, we need to talk  
_ _Where R U?  
_ _Why aren't you answering?  
_ _Are you going home this weekend?  
_ _HELLO  
_ _Ur an ass  
_ _Im gonna call ur mom  
_ _She said to call her ASAP  
_ _OMG KEV RLLY?  
_ _Well either way_ _we're gonna talk  
_ _Not in ur room?  
_ _Where did u run?  
_ _Baby please I need to see u  
_ _babe..._

From Mom: _  
Kevin you need to call me immediately._

From Dad: _  
Do NOT call your mother._

Who knew what she wanted but apparently I needed to dial my mother... I opted for the lesser of two evils and hit up dad.

"Boy what did you do now? Good grief you're gonna get it. Your mother is loosing it."

"That's why I called you, what did she say?"

"That no one knew where you were and you didn't go back to your room last night. You were seen at a club with some other girl at about 4 this morning?"

"Total lie. I'd like to tell you where I am but she'll tell Liz and I can't see her right now."

"Are you safe? And still at school?"

"Yeah dad, I'm gonna turn up for the game tonight and then head out your way. This is hell."

"I'll see you soon son. Turn your phone off, your mother is gonna start calling. I'll tell her you're safe though."

"Love you dad."

"Love you."

With that I dialed Naz who I left a long voice message about my dickish ways and apologized a million times. I then powered down before anyone else tried to get a hold of me. God what a liar, why did she have to be like this? It was sad mostly because I was pretty sure mom would have liked her without all the lying and even if we weren't together.

I was in deep shit but I could not wait to get out of here. Home was waiting and damn did it sound perfect right about now, spending the whole weekend goofing off with dad at the shop would be so much more relaxing than hiding out all weekend, not that I'd mind being stuck with dorko for a few fun filled days.

I needed to get back to my room and pray that my roommate wasn't present when I went. I decided it was now or never and headed to my room, what crap that I should have to worry about going to my own place. I sighed feeling frusterated and tried to push it down. Black out mad Kevin was so not what I needed right now.

I used my key and sure enough he was sitting on his bed looking through his phone. Fuck.

 _Get your shit and get out, who know what Lizzy might have said about you. They probably wanna beat your ass and staying to fight would be stupid._

Opening my drawer I grabbed handfuls of things as fast as I could just hoping that he'd stay quiet but no such luck, as soon as I had my stuff thrown on my bed he started in.

"You coming to the game man? You ghosted us last night so we're wondering." He was a rich kid with brown hair and eyes along with a seriously snobby attitude.

"Yeah dude, I had some things to do but I'll be there." Keep it short and sweet.

"What happened with you and Lizzy? From what I hear you did some fucked up shit man."

"Nah, it's nothing like that. She's just pissed off and she got a mouth on her." Avoid at all costs, my answers were vague and unhelpful.

"She said you beat the shit out of her man."

"You know I keep my hands to myself." I tried laughing, it was a bad joke because I was anything but gentle but maybe I could get away with it.

I was furiously shoving things into my suit case while I tried to smooth my way out of this, even if only for the moment. He looked like he was contemplating what I'd said and had laughed a bit.

"Well I'm heading out man, I'll see you at the game." I opened the door and practically ran from my dorm building praying to get to my car before anyone really saw me.

 _She told people you hit her, I'd show up to the game tonight already dressed and without enough time for anyone to talk with you. They're gonna have some serious beef with you for hitting a woman, even if you didn't._

I made it and slammed the door shut on my red Volvo, she purred to life instantly and sped off campus. Nina, as I had named her, was a 2018 S60 and I had been saving forever to get her. Dad owning the shop gave me a serious discount on getting exactly what I wanted, the luxury sport addition. I just needed to get out of here for a few hours and stay out of sight until it was time for the game, what I would do after this weekend I wasn't sure. I shrugged it off because now was so not the time to be worrying about anything else.

I wasted as much time in my local mall as I could, flirted with a few sales girls and bought a new pair of shoes. I had killed two hours and it was time to make my way back to the dorm, I took the long route and watched some beautiful forest scenery. It was on it's way to getting cold but was holding in the low 60s around now in September. I was excited for the change in season though, fall was my favorite time of year. Halloween was obviously also the best holiday of the year, except thanksgiving. Who didn't love eating a little bit of everything?

I made it back, changed in a bathroom and opened the doors to the locker room just in time. Coach looked relieved when he saw my face in time for huddle and I was happy to have appeared just when I intended.

The game was brutal and at the expense of a few points everyone let me get my ass kicked. Defense did nothing for me and I found myself covered in mud from the start of the game. Coach benched me halfway through which was bullshit but I had hurt my hip pretty bad when linebacker from the other team connected with me. I went flying and so did the ball.

No one had said a word to me all night and it truly was fucked up. They believe a girl over their teammate? No one had even asked me. I threw my helmet to the ground and stormed to the locker room. Fuck this! "Kev, what's happening out there?" Coach followed me after picking up my helmet.

"The whole team thinks I beat Lizzy up or something! I don't really know because no one has done anything but give me dirty fucking looks since I walked in!" I was shouting at no one in particular, the whole situation finally grating on my nerves pretty heavily.

"Kev you're the captain and it's your job to control the situation. Set them straight boy or they'll walk all over you." I wasn't listening to what he was saying though, I was bailing half way through the game and didn't give a rats ass.

I slammed the door shut hell bent on getting the fuck outta doge. I ran right in to double dork who bounced off my chest and fell to the ground. Cursing I held a hand out. "You okay?" _I didn't mean_

"I'm fine. Are you alright? This all seemed particularly awful for you tonight. I don't really understand the game but I assume they are supposed to be helping you?" He took my offered hand and commented offhandedly like he was trying to be casual.

"Yeah, they're pissed off. I'm headed out though, I gotta get outta here." I ran a hand through my short hair in annoyance that my hat was not where it should be.

"Yes, I shall see you Monday then?" I don't know if it was supposed to be a question or not. He seemed like he was asking if I was coming back. I realized then that I must have really looked pissed because he was double checking that I was coming back at all.

"I won't leave you alone for to long so don't worry." I bent down and pecked his lips to his surprise, even in the fading light I could see his face turn pink.

"We are in public..." I laughed

"Are you embarrassed of me?" I wanted him to say what I was feeling, that he wanted everyone to see. Everyone to know.

"We are...not an item. I don't understand this constant flirting." He was struggling for words and that was cute, he always had something to say.

"Let's talk about it when I get back." I pulled him to me for a brief second realizing he was freezing in only a thing tshirt. I threw him my jacket and walked off.

Peach creek here we come. Home at last. Let me know what you thought and any suggestions you have. MUCH LOVE -ENA


	6. Can we do whatever this is tomorrow?

Since we're following Kev to Peach Creak I decided to write this chapter only from him. There's a lot going on so I wanted to make sure everything was clear. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. Happy reading!

Kevin:

My car sped nicely through traffic and it was late enough to miss most of it anyway. It was a four hour drive even at 10 over the speed limit the whole time though and I arrived home around midnight. I pulled into the driveway and made my way up well worn wooden stairs to my family home. Porch light on, white swing blowing in the breeze. I breathed a heavy sigh, it felt good to return here, where I was safe from the insanity of life on my own.

I turned my key and walked right in kicking converse shoes off on the mat by the door. It smelled like dinner still, mom must have made something good. I popped into the kitchen, got a plate of roast, mashed potatoes and carrots, microwaved it and turned to head up the stairs. I spotted the living room light still on and assumed it must be dad. He's the only one who would be up this late.

I walked slowly, savoring the wood floor under my socks and remembering how I used to skate around on it when I was a child. Mom was always short with me about it, but dad did it sometimes too. Upon entering the living room three pairs of eyes turned to me, one apologetic, one mischievous and one angry. I groaned out loud and turned on my heel. All feelings of safety were gone and I was on the verge of raging.

"Kevin get back here this instant!" Mom was yelling and even though I wanted to retreat to my room without incident it didn't matter.

"I really... I just need some rest. Can we do...whatever this is tomorrow?" I begged, hands shaking. I was barely able to stop myself from hitting the wall.

"Absolutely not. Lizzy came all this way and needs to talk to you so you sit down and listen to her." I looked pleadingly at dad who was very somber for whatever reason.

Still shaking I sat as far away from her as I could, squeezing next to dad on the love seat. He grabbed my hand noticing the way I was slipping. "Keep it together boy." he whispered without anyone else noticing.

"Kevin I have been trying to get a hold of you. I agree that what happened to Naz was awful and I'm so sorry that my friends did what they did to her. It wasn't me though Kev, and we really need to work this out!"

I snorted and felt incredibly bitter. "I don't care what you say. It's over Liz, I know the truth and there's no point in lying."

"Kevin I'm pregnant. It's your baby and we need to fix us for this child, I understand you're mad but this is bigger than some fight over something I didn't even do!" I was off the couch, I could not listen to this any more. I pocketed my keys from the hook and got in my car.

"Kev!" Dad was on the porch yelling but it didn't matter, I needed out of here _now._ Lizzy popped up behind him and ran to the front of my car but I turned the headlights on and backed out without a second thought. No way was I gonna sit and listen to this fucking insanity a second longer. She was on the pill, we used protection. This was a lie, it had to be.

I drove to the gas station, picked up a pack of Marlboro menthol and sped to the park. I parked in a discreet corner under a tree and walked slowly to the swings. Fuck how could this have gone so wrong? I lit up and calmed considerably by my second cigarette with a nice nicotine buzz going. I swung slowly back and forth thinking about when we were kids. Everyone used to come here after school and play ball, the Eds did their thing. I closed my eyes and let my mind wander.

 _"Ed you can not do that!" Double D was rushing over to Ed with a panicked expression. I was at first base and really should have been paying better attention. We were about 10 at the time and I was just starting to find an interest in sex, except it wasn't the opposite sex. Or anyone in particular except sock head. It was frustrating, I was supposed to like girls. Naz should have caught my attention and been my object of desire._

 _When everyone started running again I wasn't paying attention and just took off blindly for the next base. Edd crashed right in to me, landing on top of me with a solid thud. "I... Kevin I'm so sorry!" He was looking down at me with wide blue eyes and all I could do was stair while I laid on the ground. I watched his lips tremble and wanted to kiss them. This was my first time thinking of anything like that._

 _Instantly when I came back to my senses I was pissed, how dare he do this to me? A boy! "Get off me dork! What's wrong with you." I shoved him roughly to the ground and jumped up hoping no one noticed that it had taken longer than it should. He stood up and brushed himself off looking sorry. "I didn't mean too." He played with the brim of his hat with one hand and reached for my arm with the other. "I've gotten you dirty." He swiped a thumb across my arm a few times. I could feel an irritating itch starting in my pants._

 _I squirmed trying to make sure no one saw my growing erection, why was this turning me on? It was those eyes! He put his hands on me sounding so sweet and innocent, looking at me like I was the only person in the world. This could not be happening, suddenly rage blinded me pushing me sharply over the edge of pissed off and blindingly furious and I shoved him back to the ground._

 _"You're a freak man, get out of here." Pain etched itself on his face but he stood back up and nodded, tears in his eyes. Rage fled instantly replaced by something that felt strange, regret swallowed me up. I wanted to say I was sorry, that I was the freak. I wanted nothing more than to explain myself and demand forgiveness but instead I turned away quickly and fake laughed but no one seemed to notice, I was safe even if it was at the expense of someone else._

I opened my eyes looking at the very spot it had happened in feeling just as guilty as I had back then. I dialed his number and hoped that he'd answer even if it was so late. The second ring he picked up sounding like I'd woken him from the dead.

"Kevin?" He spoke in a whisper though I was sure he was alone.

"Hey... sorry for waking you up. I'm sitting at the park and was thinking about you." What had I interrupted him for? Surely more than to say hi.

 _"_ Ah yes, but why are you not at home?" was I really so transparent? I couldn't tell him what I'd just heard.

"Lizzy followed me home I guess. I'm waiting for everyone to go to bed before I go back. I can't believe she had to ruin this for me, I don't get to hang out here often. I'm bummed." It wasn't really a lie and was even a little more than I had intended to say.

"You ran out didn't you? Arguing?" Why would he have known that? I didn't say that!

"Yeah I guess. I'll deal with it tomorrow though. Thanks for answering man, I'm sorry about running out on you at the game."

"Kevin, you must return home, talk with your father and seek his advice. He is a wise man, I'm sure whatever the issue he will have a solution." I smiled though he couldn't see it, how did he know about dad?

"I guess you're right. I'll head back in a little while. Edd? For when we were kids, that day I pushed you down... you remember?" I hoped he'd say no, that it had no affect on him but a moment of sadness.

"Yes, quite clearly." He answered sleepily.

"I was pissed off at myself, not you. I shouldn't have pushed you and I'm sorry. You made me feel weird, like guys are so _not_ supposed to make other guys feel. It's stupid but it's true. " I got the words out as fast as I could, why was I saying this now?

"Have you been drinking?" I rolled my eyes at the accusation.

"Nah, I was just thinking about all the times I was an ass." I laughed trying to cover up my guilt.

"I forgive you Kevin, that you remember such a small incident at all is astounding. Thank you. Please go home, being out so late isn't safe." He was starting to sound a little stressed and that pushed me from my seat towards the car.

"On my way now, I'll be home in ten." I assured as the car came in to view.

"I shall see you when you return on Sunday. Try to make the best of your weekend and good night, sleep tight." His voice was sleepy again and I was glad I'd called.

"Night, see you soon." I pressed end and drove home as slowly as I could.

By the time I reached the driveway again the porch light was off and it seemed like the house lights were all turned off as well. Peace settled over me, no matter what the truth was I was resolved not to go back to Lizzy but I would be a good dad. If it was true than I was ready to do whatever I needed.

"Kevin." I was startled by dads voice coming from the porch swing in the dark.

"Hey..." I stopped and turned to him looking at my feet.

"Come sit boy, we gotta talk."

I walked quick and took a seat wondering what he was going to say. Surely he was going to be mad, I had run off and I had gotten someone pregnant. I fought hard against the urge to cry, I was disappointing everyone including myself. I had no way out of this and it was time to face the music.

"I'm so proud of you son. You are a great man and I know you'll do what needs to be done." He clapped me on the shoulder and brown eyes met my green in a genuine expression.

"But... I messed up, like big time. I can't take this back and I can't live my life with her. I want to do what's right and I know you and mom think I should marry her, I'm sure it's what everyone expects, but I can't. I can be a father, I learned from the best, but I can not be with her. That's nothing to be proud of and I can understand how mad you are." I finished in a rush trying to get everything out before I lost my nerve.

"You don't have to be with her to be a father, you just have to be what the child needs. Your mother will understand some day and this won't go on forever, I'm proud that you came home and didn't run from this. You're ready to do what it takes but being miserable for the rest of your life is not it." My father of so few words was looking away from me in embarrassment after spilling his guts and I cried. I cried over this baby, over growing up, over what was next, for the losses and the gains, I cried on dads shoulder because in this moment I needed something solid to hold on to.

"Find your resolve Kev and stick with it. You're going to do great things and you need to be able to take a little disappointment here and there. Always do your best kid, and you'll always make me proud. I love you."

When I was finally able to stop crying we sat and talked for a long time about life and how things might change. We talked about relationships that were good and ones that were bad. Naz came up and when I told him the whole story he knew it was true. He was curious about double D as well, asking me a few to many questions.

"Are you going to keep staying with him?" I groaned at the question.

"Someone is gonna find me soon, but until then I think we'll be okay. I don't want to be trouble for him either, he's a nice kid and I don't think he deserves the shit that follows me around."

"He's a great kid, always has been, even your mother likes him." He looked pointedly at me as if he knew what we did.

"Yeah, he's gay. Mom wouldn't think to much of him if she knew that." My words were full of bitterness and I swear they actually tasted bad in my mouth.

"Kevin some people can't see past certain things, there's a reason your mother feels the way she does but you know she loves you. You gotta take the good with the bad or you don't really deserve the other person." His loyalty was staggering and I wished desperately to feel that kind of devotion to someone.

"Thanks." I had needed some advice and he was right there to help me out as always.

"Get to bed, tomorrow is gonna be a long one." He nodded towards the door so I did as I was told. "'Night. Love ya kid."

"Night dad, love ya."

I found peaceful sleep in my childhood bed through the night. Morning came to fast though like it always does. I laid in bed staring blankly at my ceiling wishing this weekend was going how I had planned and after about an hour of that decided it was time to get down to business.

In the kitchen mom and Liz were chatting happily at the stove and I had a surreal moment of this being my future. She'd be holding a child on her hip while another stood next to me in a baseball cap backwards just like I wore mine. Things would be great, except that I was secretly miserable in my relationship, home and job. I could almost feel the walls closing in on me and began to panic, I was not one to do this.

Mom turned and smiled brightly at me. "Mornin' I hope you slept good, we made your favorite. Why don't we sit down and eat then you and Lizzy can go talk somewhere private." I sat down to a plate of bacon and waffles with strawberry syrup eating in silence except when asked yes or no questions.

We finished up and Liz followed me to the car, we drove to a lake near by since I wasn't really sure where else to go. "Okay, are you ready to talk now?" she asked turning her head to the side.

"I want to start off by saying that I love this baby, I want to do everything I can to be a good parent and I want everyone to be happy. Including myself. It's not just about Naz Lizzy, I can't be with you any more. I love you to death okay? I'm just... I don't know, but I'm not really hap-" She cut me off before I was able to finish my thoughts.

"Listen! I know things have been tough for a while now but I'm so in love with you, I don't want anyone else. I think we can really make this work if you just give it some time. Please okay? Please think about it not just for me but for our baby too." Wide eyes were pleading with me in a way I could almost never say no to, I wasn't sure what to do.

"I... I don't know Liz. I'll think about it but either way I do want to be part of this, I will take responsibility." I was sure of that much at least.

"We are not some burden that needs to be taken care of!" She looked hysterical and I put an arm around her, this could not be good for the baby. I needed her to stay as stress free as possible.

"I didn't mean it like that, just that you don't gotta do this alone. I wanna be there when you guys need me." I needed to be clear.

"The baby would be happier if we were raising it together. We need you the most right now! I think this deserves a chance for the mental health of our child, your parents are still together and so are mine! Just say yes and we can work the rest out later." She was squeezing tightly on my arm and I was at a loss, what could I say? To the mother of my child... I would have to be reasonable. Maybe she was right, we could probably work out the problems, maybe the whole thing was just in my head. Didn't my baby deserve this? Besides, at the end of the day it's not like I was ever going to get rid of her now anyway and we'd made it this far.

Any predictions? I've got the next chapter written but I'm dying to hear what you guys think. Will he? Won't he? And what about EDD! Anyway, see you next week. -Ena.


	7. Fuck up

Sorry! My computer broke... go figure right? Anyway I hope everyone is still enjoying. Thanks for reading and reviewing! HAPPY READING -ENA

EDD:

It was going to be a long weekend, I was plagued by awful thought and nothing to do. I decided on Friday evening while sitting alone at a table that I should call Eddy. Hearing his voice was just what I needed to cheer me up and shake this awful feeling of loneliness. I dialed his number debating on if I should bother him or not, he probably had a lot of things going on since it was Friday. I forced my finger to press end and sighed, no need to be a burden to my friend.

I laid my head down on a table waiting for my food, I had ordered a simple chicken salad even though I was cravi-

"DOUBLE D! WE CAME WITHOUT THE CHICKEN!" I sat up in sheer shock, it was Eds voice who was yelling loudly from the front door. Eddy was leaning against the door holding boxes of Chinese food and I was almost in tears. I stood up to meet Ed half way and wrapped my arms around him ignoring the distinct smell of gravy. Eddy held out some boxes of Chinese and looked awkwardly away. "Let's get to your room so we can eat." I nodded happily taking the boxes and practically skipping back.

"We decided that, seeing as Naz is totally laid up, you might not have anyone to hang with this weekend. I know we're messy but we wanted to stay the weekend." Eddy was rubbing the back of his neck and watching our shoes.

"Thank you! I missed you both dearly and was wondering if I should come home this weekend." I nodded enthusiastically. We stopped by Eddys orange fox body mustang and retrieved the things they had packed. "Double D we brought return of swamp mistress 4!" Ed shoved a comic in my face and I almost hugged him again. Being without my two best friends was hard and I was so grateful to have them with me for the whole weekend.

After we got everything situated and an air mattress blown up we spent the weekend playing video games and leaving only for food excursions. Just as when we were kids we had not a care in the world apart from the controllers and a few cheaply made horror flicks. When Sunday afternoon came I knew my weekend bliss was coming to an end quickly. We chatted around our meals at a cafe.

"Double D I can't wait for the carnival! I hope they let me hold the bunnies again this year, so soft and fluffy." Ed was rambling on about animals, his favorite part of the fair.

"No way are we heading to the barn first this year! Rides all day long baby." Eddy smiled like a sly fox.

"I'm sure we will have time for everything gentleman. It will last all weekend after all." I tried to mediate as I always did.

"Lumpy go get the games and stuff from Sockheads room." Eddy waved Ed off who had already finished eating and jumped at the task.

"Now Ed, make sure to return this to me and lock the door when you leave." I handed him my key reluctantly. He looked determined and saluted turning on one heal.

"What, pray tell, did you want to get rid of him for Eddy?" I was sure it was important.

"Look, about the other day, I think Jamie might be back in town alright? And if you don't want to come home I get it. I haven't seen him Edd but I've hear he's around." I wrung my hands under the table nervously.

"It would be entirely unfair if I just didn't come. Is that what prompted your excursion? To excuse me from mine?" I was worried and he knew it but I wanted to go home too. It wasn't fair that I have to stay locked away here.

"I just wanted you to be aware. If he hears your back then he might show up you know?" Eddy grabbed my hand and stopped my wringing.

"Even if we spend the weekend inside I think it'll be okay." I smiled, praying that when I finally got home I'd have the courage to get out at least once. Even knowing he was out lurking the streets somewhere.

We walked back to my room to finish packing with Ed and Eddy yelled from the bathroom. "DOUBLE D!" I panicked and threw open the door hoping he was fine. Eddy stood holding a shirt that was not mine and looking like someone had broken his favorite video game.

"Ye...yes Eddy?" I stuttered unsure of what was happening.

"Why is shovechins shirt in _YOUR bathroom?"_

Inwardly I screamed, how had I missed such a thing? Eddy was never going to let this go and I hadn't fessed up to who I had been spending a few intimate moments with.

"He...well he was the one who... oh Eddy please don't be mad! I know you hate him but he's not so bad and has taken a stand for Naz as well. It's nothing serious anyway." I pleaded and saw his eyes soften.

"How the hell did that idiot get you to take any interest in him? Out of all the people in the whole world." He set it down and walked out shaking his head. I was sure there would be a later discussion about this but was relieved for the time being.

We picked up and returned to the parking lot. "So I been thinking about coming to school next year. I need a degree to really get much farther and I already know everything anyway." Eddy said from the drivers seat of his car while Ed hung out the window looking like a dog.

"That would be wonderful Eddy!" I smiled brightly because having my best friend- _What about Ed? Would there be any plausibility of him getting into college? Let alone THIS college?_

We both glanced over at Ed who was blissfully unaware and Eddy shrugged, mouthing 'talk about it later.' I waved them off in time to watch Kevin pull in to the parking lot and exchange dirty looks with Eddy.

I waited happily for him to park so we might walk back to the room together and was shocked to see Elizabeth sitting in his passenger seat. My mouth fell open as I reached for words to describe the feeling of dread that set in, not that I'd have been talking to anyone.

I turned sharply when Kevin found me and raised a hand to wave, walking as fast as I could without running. _You knew this would happen, you've brought this on yourself. Of course he'd take her back! Are you that childish that you'll throw a fit now? He was nothing to you anyway, better this happen now before things got messy. He belongs to her._

I broke into a run when I heard Kevins door open willing my legs to go faster, push me farther away. "Doulbe D!" I could hear him calling me but was almost positive he'd not make a move to run after me and I was faster anyway. I did not want to show him the tears that cascaded down my cheeks and demand an explanation, I had none to give.

I finally made it back to my room and grabbed my gym bag praying to get out of here without incident. If I could just get to the pool I could cope with my own thoughts, I hadn't even spoken to him and was a mess. _Why are you feeling so badly? You liked him didn't you? And you assumed that he wanted to be with you when he talked to you after the game on Friday. It's okay to feel badly, but this devastation is a bit overboard don't you think? He was not your type anyway._

I got to the pool that was on campus and was grateful to be alone. After changing I jumped in with no hesitation and let myself sink the whole 15 feet to the bottom sitting with legs crossed. The burning in my lungs felt good and allowed me to clear my head, talking myself down from the ledge. I was always quick to fall apart and nothing had changed that, my self confidence was better but my mental stability remained...lacking.

When I surfaced I swam hard until my legs cramped and my arms ached from the effort of propelling me. I floated on my back for a while clearing my mind of all thought until I needed to get out. It had to be getting late and the pool closed at 7pm. I thrust myself out of the water, not bothering with the ladder and stood on shaky legs.

A slow clap from the bleachers startled me. "You're very good, I'm impressed." A boy with black hair and green eyes was walking towards me from the top with a smirk on his lips.

"Forgive me, I had no intention of impeding the use of the pool from anyone nor did I realize I'd acquired an audience." He stood in front of me and I recognized him as the swim team captain. "All is forgiven if you'd consider joining us." He extended a hand and I was unable to respond. Had I been asked to join a sports team? _Answer him you idiot!_

"Oh, what a generous offer but I'm afraid I'll have to decline. I'm not good at sports." I cast my eyes down but his hand grabbed my chin turning my face back to his. I was startled and stumbled back a step.

"You're amazing. I want you." He was very handsome and I was blushing now, _you filthy boy he wants you to join the team!_ I shook my head feeling embarrassed, what was happening to me?

"Just come to practice? No commitment." He was smiling and when I looked in to green eyes, I thought of Kevin. Suddenly mad I nodded agreeing. Taking my mind off things was the best idea right now.

"I'm Ty and I'll be expecting you Wednesday at 7 right after close." He winked at me earning him my awkward smile. "You're pretty cute, I hope you don't disappoint." He turned and headed for the changing room.

I snagged my bag from the front bench and threw a shirt over my wet chest. I didn't want any more interaction with anyone so I decided on changing in my room. I headed out of the building bumping right in to someone.

"Watch where you're going!" I shook recognizing the voice. A football player who had bothered me before was standing with two other guys from the team in front of me. "Forgive me, I apologize." I tried to walk away but he caught the back of my shirt.

"You know, I heard some shit about you dweeb. You like beating up on girls since you can't stand up to a real man?" It was an accusation I was not prepared for, I'd never struck a woman in my life. "I would never do such a thing!" I protested. Should have just kept quiet.

He jerked me back so I was standing in front of him again with an evil grin. "So you callin me a liar?" he challenged. "No, I think it was just a case of misinformation , nothing more." I tried but I knew it was to late.

KEVIN:

I could see some guys from the team, I had been heading to the track. I was a pretend bully in elementary school but being cruel physically was never my thing. I could see a guy being yelled at by Brock who was flagged by two others who I didn't recognize from behind. Without warning Brock shoved the poor kid to the ground and _I_ flinched when his foot connected with the ribs of the guy on the ground.

I jogged up yelling, maybe I could spare this poor guy. Upon coming closer I realized that it was Edd on the ground. _Mine! Save him!_ I broke into a flat sprint the rest of the distance and hit Brock hard, he fell to the ground and my fist connected with his face effortlessly. He tossed me off him and scrambled to his feet while I stood crouched in front of double D.

"What the fuck!?" He yelled in my face and at the sight of swelling it finally started to come together. _How will you explain this one genius?_

"Uhh.. you know how much I hate seeing people... I didn't even realize it was you man. Sorry." I said lamely and righted my position casting a glace in Edds direction. He would be very sore and flinched trying to sit up straight. Rage sprang forth again and fuck, I needed them to get out of here before I did something really stupid.

"Whatever dude, I'll be sure to tell Liz about this." He gestured to us and I rolled my eyes turning my back on him. I held a hand out to double D and felt awful. I knew when he saw Lizzy with me he'd be upset but I couldn't have imagined how pissed he'd be. _Fuck up._ He ignored my outstretched hand, getting to his knees first then his feet.

"Thank you Kevin, but that was entirely unnecessary and now will put you in an awkward position." He totally blew me off and started walking the other direction with no comment about Liz.

"Hey, can we please... like talk?" I tried, walking to his side.

"Nothing to-" small yelp "talk about." I grabbed his arm to stop him gently.

"Yes, we have a lot to talk about... Liz followed me home this weekend, like I told you on the phone. She told me... ahh well man, she said I knocked her up. I don't really know what to do here and I want to make this right-" I gestured between us "but I'm really struggling here. I'm just... fucking lost man." I fessed up in what sounded like one long run on sentence and he stood in shock.

"Please... say something? Like that you hate me or get lost, something good." I needed him to tell me to go the hell away.

"Kevin, I'm sorry to hear all this. I hope things turn out well, as for us there is no hard feelings. It was an experience to spend time with you and I enjoyed our time together. I'm always here if you need to talk to me." _He's blowing you off again, let him leave before you really do something shitty._

"Really? So we're just gonna ignore the _amazing_ blow job thing?" I could never leave shit alone.

"Kevin! As we just learned sometimes you are not aware of who is around. I hope things work out for you and Elizabeth, maybe she will become a better person. I..." he looked down at my shoes and I swore I saw tears in his eyes.

"Thank you Kevin, for helping me. I can't continue our conversation with a level head. I must return to my room before I begin saying things I don't mean." Blue eyes wouldn't meat mine and his tears were falling now.

"Let's go back okay? Let's go talk." I begged taking his hand. I didn't know what I would say, I didn't know what I was going to do so I had no answers for him.

Inky lashes clung together in wetness and his eyes opened wide in surprise when I grabbed his hand. I needed to banish this look from his face and make things right. _Fuck up!_

We walked in silence back to his room, my arm slung over his shoulder. No one was around and the walk was quick. He winced every few steps reminding me that I'd been to late. _Aren't you just a fuck up?_ I felt a desire to rip Brocks head off his body, rage creeping up. It had been a long time since I'd blacked out and I pushed to keep it suppressed, god forbid he see me like that and hurting him would be...awful.

I wish I could pinpoint this weird swirling in my stomach, it made my head spin and my heart beat faster. Just touching him like this was enough to give me this sickening cozy feeling. Like I belonged here at his side. _You don't belong anywhere._

We reached his door and he opened it with shaking hands. He stepped inside behind me and locked it as if he thought that they might be coming back. He wouldn't meet my eyes again and tried to play off the pain.

I rummaged around in the medicine cabinet and he said nothing. I picked some Tylenol out and a bottle of water from the fridge handing it to him. He took it without a word.

"I'm sorry... God I should have come sooner.." I pulled up his shirt and flinched when cobalt blue had already began spreading over his rib cage on the right side. He yanked trying to pull his shirt down to hide it from me. I met his eyes and stopped him, kissing lightly the area around gently.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered against soft skin. He groaned and I backed him up to the bed. "Let me make it up to you." _I can make it feel better, even if it's only for a while. Let me make you better._

 _Sex is not the answer to everything you fuck up!_

HOPE YOU ENJOYED. MORE TO COME. 


	8. You love me right?

Monday again, I can't believe it. Anyway, here's hoping everyone is doing good! It was a crazy awful weekend but this week WILL be better. Thanks for the favorites and reviews. I'm loving writing this, it's giving me an outlet. HAPPY READING. 

He held me kissed me all over, around my bruise moving up my body to find my mouth. It was gentle and unsure, not like Kevin at all. I took this moment to tune out all the other nonsense that had been swirling in my head the last few hours and decided to enjoy this. I welcomed him, opened my mouth and licked the seam of his lips begging entrance.

He complied and massaged my tongue with his own stroking softly. He was very careful while hovering over me to be gentle and not put any real weight on me and I was becoming frustrated, so unlike him. If it was only once I at least wanted the real experience and nipped his bottom lip earning me a sweet sound coming from the back of his throat. He flipped me over so I was on top of him smiling devilishly "That was brave." I smirked down at him nodding. Yes, please come out to play.

He sat up under me and fisted a hand full of my hair pulling me back to his lips. I was getting hard and it was unpleasant rubbing against my boxers, as if reading my mind and without warning he stuck his hand in my pants and wrapped around me. I gasped and moaned in surprise grinding in to his hand. I pulled at his zipper, no reason to wait. His pants came off following mine but he had not bothered with boxers or anything under the jeans. We stroked one and kissed hotly. I couldn't remember the last time I'd been so aroused and even his hand was amazing. I wanted him so badly I felt pain, was I ready to go there?

"Edd we gotta stop. I'm gonna fuck you senseless otherwise." He was panting and flushed with effort.

"Do you have... a condom?" I questioned, if not that was the end of this, it was up to fate.

That evil smirk played on his lips. "I do." Deal sealed.

"Please" I whined anxiously.

He stood up bending over to get something from his pocket and returned to his place under me. "Lube?" he asked looking worried.

I reached over to retrieve my unopened bottle that I'd gotten from Eddy as a joke. _Thank you._

I popped the cap as he put on protection and coated him in the slick liquid. "You on top." He leaned back and watched me, I was suddenly feeling shy. "Close your eyes." I said sternly hoping for no retaliation. He did as I asked and I slid down slowly, every inch stretching painfully and wonderfully. I sat on him fully still trying to give myself time to adjust.

His eyes were squeezed tightly shut and little sounds had come from that sinful mouth my whole way down. After a minute I moved up slowly and the look on his face was beautiful, raw and untamed much like the man under me himself.

I impaled myself again and again, soon his hand coated in lube found my throbbing member and pumped to match my pace. I moaned his name, bouncing harder and he dragged me to him for a kiss. I felt so filled up, he was so thick and long it was amazing. Suddenly he hit just the right spot, I cried out louder than I intended and held his shirt continuing the pace with a ferocity now needing every inch of him.

He locked eyes with me and pulled my head back possessively, exposing my neck. He nipped at my collar growling low in his throat.

"I'm gonna cum if you don't slow down." He said through gritted teeth but I was close as well. I picked up my pace hammering down as quick as I could and he moaned my name.

He slammed his hips up, he was hard as steel and it hit just the right spot. When he bit down hard enough to draw blood the pleasure pain was to much, white hot ribbons covered his chest and I heard his cries taken in pure ecstasy. He followed me over pumping his hand until nothing was left and I collapsed against his solid chest breathing heavily.

"Thank you." He whispered running a hand through my hair.

"It was a pleasure." I said sarcastically. "We should talk." I insisted. Now was as good a time as any.

"No, let's clean up and watch a movie okay? No more serious bullshit until Monday." He smiled up at me and nodded towards the bathroom. I wasn't usually one to be coerced but I couldn't stop myself from agreeing.

We washed each other and he didn't bother with clothes though I found myself a clean pair of boxers. We curled up in bed together, tangled limbs while Titanic played in the back.

"I think... I might be sorta in love with you or something." He said sounding like he wasn't really serious. When I flipped over, mouth agape, to demand he take it back because it was not a joke I found something serious in his expression. He wasn't laughing or smirking, he was just watching me. "You... love me?" I stuttered.

"I didn't mean to upset you." He frowned and looked very troubled.

"No I'm not upset... I think I feel the same." I whispered burying my head in his chest.

He turned my face up to his and a huge smile was on pink lips. "Say it." He demanded.

"I love you too" I piped up a little trying to find some bravery.

"Good." He purred kissing me lightly and then tucking me under his arm. The rest of the night spent watching Titanic until I fell asleep.

Kevin:

Double D fell asleep and even started lightly snoring. I slipped out from the bed and hit the bathroom feeling so guilty it was about to eat me alive. I was guilty of a lot of things over my years but this had to be the worst, I should have kept my mouth shut. _Pour salt on the wound why don't you? How will you explain all this to him tomorrow? Or are you going to leave Lizzy? What about the baby._

I groaned thinking back to the promise I'd made to Liz, I said that I'd give it a shot. I told her we could try to work it out but she had to change and she vowed she would do just that. _You love him, this is gonna get fucked up real quick. Leave him alone! Tell him the truth in the morning and apologize until you're fucking blue. Then leave. He deserves better than you anyway._

I wanted to cry again and damn it! This was a feeling coming over me to often these days. I shouldn't have said it even though I meant it, this would only sting more tomorrow. _What if he'd never said that before? What if he needs you now?_ I slipped out the door of the room silently. It was late, about midnight but I knew they didn't lock up the track. I decided running some of this off would be in my best interest or I might put some holes in a wall that wasn't mine.

I ran hard popping in my headphones and tackling the first mile with ease at an impressive 7 1/2 minutes. I slowed to a jog for the second mile, pushed on through the third and lost track of how far I'd gone. I ran and ran until I threw up on the sideline. _Don't be a coward, get your ass back to the room. You owe him an explanation for destroying his self esteem. He's going to be sick when you tell him, you had sex. Why are you always like this?_

I wish I had an answer for myself, there was all this blame and no one to put it on but me. I wasn't a really touchy feely guy but I might as well have a vagina right now. I hit the dorm room back up, borrowed his tooth brush which I knew he'd freak over and slid next to him in bed. I held him like my life depended on it, this might be the last time I ever got to.

He woke in the morning with a sleepy smile. "Good morning Kevin." He was looking at me with such hope I wanted to fucking die. "Hey dorko. Mornin." I smiled back wishing I could freeze this moment and stay like this forever. _Man up._ He stood up and threw a baggy green t shirt on turning away from me.

"I think we should address the elephant in the room now." He said quietly as if he already knew what I was going to say.

I stood up and walked behind him, holding his hips and leaning my head on his shoulder. "Yeah, we should. I told Liz I would try to work it out." I said it quickly so I didn't have time to sugar coat is, nothing would help this.

"I imagined that was your response. It's okay Kevin, I understand what you need to do. I'm not mad." _He's even prepared himself to be disappointed, how precious that he knows you never live up to expectation._

"Damn it be pissed off!" I yelled flipping him around, I deserved some real anger.

"I can't be mad about this, I knew from the beginning this wouldn't work out." He was smiling sadly at me.

"I told you I love you! You love me to right? Shouldn't you be mad? Shouldn't you be hurt? Why am I like this?!" I yelled at him though the questions were for myself.

"You did promise some serious issues and I take what is said to me at face value. I do love you, I am hopelessly in love with you and it is unfortunate that things have ended like this. I can't keep you from doing this, I am not selfish enough to take a father from his child. I forgive you Kevin." He was crying but this... kindness was not something I deserved.

"Fuck this is stupid... I wish I could..." I was deflated and anxious. I fidgeted with the hem of his shirt pulling him close. I couldn't make it right, just like every time before failure followed me closely.

"We can keep this secret. If you ever need anything from me let me know. I am a good listener and a great friend, or so I've been told." He held my hand with one of his and wiped at his face with the other.

"I love you." I said desperately wishing to change something. "I love you." He vowed back shifting his weight.

"Even if not for Elizabeth we could never go public. Everyone on your football team would be merciless and even your mother would disown you. Be honest with yourself, love has nothing to do with it." I pulled him in, holding tightly in defeat. I had no counter claim, it would not be just me that would be attacked and leaving him open for more bullying would kill me.

"I will protect you, from now on, no one will touch you." I vowed to his shoulder. He nodded wincing. I let go as I had forgotten about his ribs and cursed, I couldn't even protect him from myself could I?

"Go now, before class." He nodded to the door. I took off like the coward I was without looking back. I headed to my room, changed for class and started off across campus.

In an ironic twist I ran in to Naz who was walking with a pretty brown haired girl. "You're back!" I threw my arms around her and hugged tightly. She coughed and sputtered so I let go.

"Yeah, I tried to call you back but your phone has been off. I thought I might tell you what an asshole you were in person." She joked smiling.

"You have no idea." I said rolling my eyes.

"What's going on" She asked.

"Long story. They did your nose! Hell, you look hot now." I joked poking her in the side.

"Not that you'd ever have a chance but thanks man. I heard some shit about Liz, we gotta link up later and talk. Where is double D?" I cringed at his name and she looked questioningly into my freakin soul.

"Who's your friend?" I changed the subject.

"Kas, she's real cute hu? She's new too so be nice." She pushed her forward a little, like an offering. I smiled when she looked panicked.

"Hey, I'm Kevin. If you ever need anything let me know okay? Friends of Naz are friends of mine." She looked over her shoulder and Naz nodded at her.

"Thanks, nice to meet you." She tried for a smile but I could tell she was anxious, dork had the same look when he was uncomfortable. I shook my head nodding to Naz.

"We'll catch up in second kay?" I told her. She nodded and said to turn on my phone.

They walked away and she put her arm around the smaller girls waist sweetly whispering into her ear then looking back at me. I didn't meet her eyes and turned away. _She knows you to well, some day it's gonna be a problem._

First class went by slowly until I remembered to turn my phone back on when I saw Naz on the way to second. She was alone this time and I sent a silent prayer for some mercy. Today had not been my day.

"Liz pregnant?" She asked nonchalantly.

"Yeah, it's mine. I'm so fucked dude." I whispered lowly.

"How'd you find out?" I asked finally realizing that maybe I should be worried about that.

"Everyone knows dude, and what about Edd?" She asked without judgement.

"We had sex last night, I think I love him. I can't be with him for like a million reasons and I have to let it go." I said trying to convince us both.

"I knew it!" She yelled punching me in the arm drawing a few eyes our way.

"Shut it! Look it doesn't matter. Liz said she'd change, I have to try and make this work. If she's up to being-" Naz cut me off mid sentence.

"Don't worry Kev, this will work out. You and Edd will find each other." She was smiling up at me. I groaned, she was to positive sometimes.

"Look, that is _so_ not the point. Can we just jump on this bandwagon please? She's gonna be nice to everyone, especially you." I looked pointedly hoping to get my point across.

"She was super pleasant in first hour, not so much to Edd though." She tapped thoughtfully on her leg.

"Was... what did she do?" I had just told him he'd be safe. _Liar._

"No one but me said a single word to him. He's totally shunned." She was still smiling and I was beginning to question her sincerity.

"Why are you happy?" I accused.

"Don't worry about it dear. Get to your seat though." Still smiling she sat in our usual spot.

I couldn't shake the feeling that I was missing something important. Naz always seemed to be one step ahead of me. I decided to turn the tables.

"So about that girl... who is she?" I raised my eye brows questioningly.

"She's a friend, real sweet. Don't you think?" Great, trying to turn the tables on me was she?

"I wonder if you think so, you had a taste?" she rolled her eyes and then grinned big.

"I'm not giving you jack off material. I think I might really like her though, so show some damn respect." She punched me lightly in the arm again.

"You might keep this one around then?" I was a bit more serious, had to be careful if she was gonna stay a while.

"Yeah, if she'll stay anyway." Her smile faltered and her expression became far away.

"No one would leave this pretty face, specially now that you got a new nose." I teased pinching her cheek. She smacked my hand away and the teacher entered the room.

We did second then third before it was time for some food. Naz followed me until she saw her girl and waved her over. She tagged along too, Naz had an arm around her shoulders and I was happy for her. She laughed and was her usual self, Kas even seemed to open up a little, until she saw Lizzy that is. They both slowed down when she came walking towards us.

"See ya Kev, we're getting some Barbecue off campus. I'd say you could come but... well she can't." Naz still pleasantly smiled. I shot her a look and she waved steering Kas away with her. When they were turned she flipped me the bird and I returned the gesture.

Lizzy looked upset as she watched Naz walk away. "I was super nice to her today." She pouted knowing she was the reason Naz bailed.

"It's gonna take some time." I told her reassuringly.

"Who's that girl she's with?" Her left brow lifted suspiciously.

"Kas, she's nice. I think she's got a crush on Naz though." I laughed trying to make sure she didn't think that Kas was in to me, like I needed that headache.

"So she's like...gay?" She asked.

"I don't know, just met her today." I shrugged.

"Maybe Naz is too..." She was whispering to herself, thankfully if she thought that she could get the idea out of her head that Naz and I would ever even think about dating. I shrugged again keeping my mouth shut.

We ate lunch, bland conversation over a burger and a salad. She was chatting on and on about the cheer team and I couldn't follow half of what she was saying. I just nodded and threw in a few yeahs here and there.

"Are you telling people about... you know." I gestured to her stomach.

"Everyone will find out anyway, much less damage if I just come out with it right?" Inwardly I sighed, I wasn't ready for this and she'd said nothing to me.

"Oh, I didn't know we were talking about it." I mumbled. Double D walked by the window at that moment, blue eyes meeting mine for a split second and guilt burned in the pit of my stomach.

Liz turned to see what I was looking at and caught a glimpse of him.

"Hey... so Brock said you hit him in the face last night for beating up on the nerd. What happened?" I did _not_ want to talk about this right now, specifically not with Liz. Brock sure did have a big ass bruise on his face to back the story though.

"He was kicking the hell outta the poor kid. I couldn't just watch... you told them he hit you. Not cool." I deadpanned with her, no way around the point. _Aren't you good at saying what needs to be said today?_

She looked away from me "we never talked about... you kissing him?"

Can Liz change? And doesn't Edd deserve something more? *Anchorman voice* Find out next next week! -ENA


	9. I intend to rectify that

EDD:

I saw Kevin eating lunch with Elizabeth in the cafe. I picked up speed hoping to banish the image from my head; no one had said a word to me all day long. Luckily the day was coming to a close and I could at least find some peace in swimming tonight.

I attended my last class and returned to retrieve my swim gear and make it to the pool by 7 sharp. I did not want to 'disappoint' as Ty had put it. I was a ball of anxious energy but it did assure me some speed in the water. Maybe if I was part of a team I would feel better. I wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere and after this morning and last night I felt more lost than ever.

Grief had crippled me all day long, distracting me from my studies like nothing else ever had. I told Kevin that I understood and logically I did but the guy who had confessed love last night was screaming in my head. I should hurt him too, the way I ached now. I felt empty, hollow like a tree that was rotting from the inside out and no one even knew it. I walked in the doors at the exact time specified and banished the loneliness, this was my shot to do something more than mope around being a ghost. Ty waved me over smiling brightly.

"I wasn't sure you'd come. Just on time, I like it." He nodded towards the locker room so I went to get changed. Everyone on the swim team nodded at me like they already excepted me. "Hey, Ty said you're killer! We're dying to see." A short kid with blond hair and brown eyes held out a hand to me that I shook. _Germs be damned, don't mess this up._

"I hope to live up to your expectations; I've never had any formal training however." I confessed feeling embarrassed. He laughed and shook his head walking away.

I started to pull my shirt over my head in a corner of the locker room and Ty popped up next to me grinning wickedly. He said something I couldn't hear as fabric rustled around my head. When I asked what he said he was fixated on my chest, staring in confusion. I looked down to see the large purple and cobalt bruise had expanded to cover most of my ribs on one side. I pulled my shirt to cover it still bunched around my arms.

"It was an accident. I'm rather clumsy you see, I don't always pay attention." I lied smoothly. How had I forgotten?

He met my eyes and cocked his head to the side. "I don't really see you as the unobservant type. No, not at all... football jocks are horrible." He reached a hand out to pull my shirt away and took a closer look.

"Man..." his hand ghosted lightly over the area, reminding me too much of last night. I jumped back suddenly feeling anxiety creeping into my chest. "It's not a lie." I defended.

"I wasn't calling you a liar, but I can clearly see the point of impact. If I had to guess, and I'm pretty accurate, I'd call this damage from a shoe." Dark green eyes searched mine, indicating an intelligence that I hadn't expected. "I'm fine." I insisted. "I'm quite sure you are." He was close again, with a deep frown this time.

"Barr and I will have to have a discussion. I can't believe he'd let them touch you, how irresponsible. Kevin never was able to play carefully with toys though was he?" He scoffed and I was horrified at the realization of what he meant. I nearly choked on air, mouth agape trying to cover this up. _So much for promising to keep it a secret, to bad he's probably going to tell everyone. You're never gonna live this one down._

"Sorry, I've watched you for a long time. I have no intention of saying anything. You're safe here, I promise that." _You have no choice but to trust him. Keep it together, don't mess this up._

"Thanks but Kevin and I are... well we are nothing. Not anymore, since it's no use lying to you. It's not his responsibility to protect me, I can do so myself." I might as well save Kevin the lecture.

"Really now? So that makes you available doesn't it?" The blond kid came up behind him and tapped on his shoulder. "We're ready." He said looking around him at me. Surprise flashed over his features and he opened his mouth wide.

"What happ-" Ty had flipped around to face him and held up a hand to cut him off. "Keep it to yourself and make sure everyone else does as well." He was stern and final leaving no room for discussion.

We went out together and everyone got in the water. Lots of eyes searched my body but no one asked a single question and I was grateful. We did the drills together and after our warm up they began racing. Ty had yet to get in the water though, shouting orders from the side of the pool. I also hadn't been asked to race anyone. Once it was all said and done it didn't seem there was anyone who was left for me to face."Edd me and you! Get ready." He smiled wickedly stepping on the platform. Anxiety bubbled up; of course I was racing him. He handed the stop watch to the blond kid from earlier and I took my place practicing my breathing so I wouldn't get to worked up.

"On his count." He nodded back and we both took our position.

" Ready! Set! GO!" We dove in unison hitting the water. I swam hard, fast. I wasn't even sure if I was winning or losing. It felt like an eternity and my muscles screamed, willing me to slow down.

I felt my hand touch the wall and popped up to find everyone in silence. I looked over at Ty to find the biggest grin on his face and him nodding.

"Tie..." blond said just loud enough to be heard.

"We...tied?" I asked had already hopped out of the water and extended a hand that I took to pull me out as well.

"Looks like the spot is filled boys." He slapped me on the back and I nearly fell.

Everyone around me cheered and smiled, they were all talking at once to me. I couldn't understand what was happening so I just nodded through it all saying thanks on repeat.

We went back to get changed again and this time everyone was talking and joking but they included me. I smiled and chatted on while changing feeling content for the moment. I was grateful for this.

"No one's ever even came close to Ty's time. You were amazing!" Blond was named Max and he continued on about how lucky the team was that I'd been discovered.

I was on a sports team, this was never something I'd expected. I was more than grateful as it would look good on paper. I was academic but perhaps I could also be extracurricular.

I made my way back to my room thankful to have avoided all contact with anyone else, I was happy to be invisible at this moment. It was a relief to reach my safe space and I wanted to shake this feeling of uselessness.

I was thinking about hitting the gym when my phone vibrated in my pocket, I pulled it out to see Eddys name scrawled across the screen.

"Hello, to what do I owe the pleasure?" I spoke pleasantly, I was in a whirl of emotions but for now it could be just Eddy and I.

"I dunno, I just thought I should call. Something going on with you?" Tears brimmed my eyes instantly, even four hours away he knew when I needed him.

"Oh yes, I do have some things to say!" I wasn't sure I should disclose information about Kevin but I gushed about the swim team. He was happy and congratulated me.

"Well... I suppose I'll talk to you later? Unless you have something to tell me." I had been a bit selfish and not asked how he was doing.

"I just... I uhh, feel like I'm missing somethin. Anything you didn't tell me?" Sometimes Eddy knew me to well. I caved and told him, in no specifics, that Kevin and I had sex and parted ways. Before I knew it I was sobbing into the phone again, just when I'd thought it couldn't be so bad. _Does pushing your feelings down ever really work for you?_

"It's okay Edd, don't worry. I'll kick his ass for you, want me to punch him?" Eddy tried being helpful but to no avail. I was going to be sad for a while, hopefully it wouldn't be this painful for very long.

"No of course not, I just need to feel bad I think. Grieve." I told us both in an attempt to encourage myself and dispel the worry that was probably now swirling in Eddys head.

"This weekend sock head. We are gonna have an _epic_ weekend. I swear." Eddy vowed sounding much to serious for the promise he'd made.

"Thank you." _For always knowing when I need you._

We ended on a pleasant note and I I decided that the gym sounded superb to work off some of this frustration. _Being that you are not female I'd advise you to keep the waterworks to a minimum._

KEVIN:

"I don't know what you want me to tell you." I shrugged nonchalantly. What was there to say?

"I want you to like...tell me that you were pissed off and it's not true?" She tried her face contorting.

"I'm not gonna lie about it. I kissed him, you know gender doesn't matter to me Liz." I whispered the last part and I'm not sure if it was because I didn't want other people to hear me or she didn't.

"Your mother would die on the spot if she heard you!" She whisper yelled which was a talent possessed by women alone it seemed.

"Look, I don't care okay? Why does it matter that he's a guy?" I shrugged again sipping some pop.

"If you want me to change then I need the same from you. No more of this half gay bullshit. It's a sin Kev and a very big one, if Edd is gay then you need to stay away from him. Our child can't be raised to think that's alright." I was torn between telling her I'd love the baby no matter what and just nodding because what good would arguing do anyway.

"I don't want you to do this to him. It really sucks feeling like you don't belong anywhere, that no one loves you for who you really are." I frowned wishing I could relate this feeling to something but she'd never experienced a pain like that in her life. She was pretty, popular and generally happy.

"Don't worry about it okay?" I wanted to drop it. She knew I was tensing up about this and nodded. We parted ways, I finished classes and returned to my room to crash on the bed. Just as my body hit the mattress a knock sounded at my door.

Ty popped up unexpectedly at my dorm, I'd known him a while and he was always a pretty straight forward guy. We socialized occasionally and had had a few drinks at a few parties, he'd been around when I was a young teenager too. I liked him as a person and he seemed chill enough. When he knocked on my door and asked me to step out I didn't think twice about it. We headed for the track to walk a few laps.

"So what's up man? You need somethin?" I questioned casually, sticking my hands in my pockets.

"Yeah actually, I'm just gonna get right to it because I'm not really sure how to bring it up. Edd tried out for the swim team, and is most definatley on, so I'm gonna need you to keep your bitches in check." I stopped mid step confused about what I was hearing. Had he just cussed at me?

"Uhh, look what happened to Edd was an accident. I don't know what he told you-" he cut me off.

"He said he fell or some shit, it was a lie. Someone curb stomped him and it's _not_ gonna happen again. I know it was one of your jocks and I get that you can't watch them all the time. Maybe you just do me a solid and tell them to lay off." He shrugged smiling lazily.

"I would _never_ let anyone hurt him on purpose. It. Was. An. Accident." I didn't like this one bit, and who the hell was he to be nosey about shit that didn't concern him anyway.

"See, I might believe you, but he seemed awfully upset at try outs and that big ass bruise said otherwise. I think you dumped him, and let me tell you that I intend to rectify that, and I think he got hurt because of his association with you. I was just trying to keep things simple, if you don't wanna listen that's fine but he's gonna stay unharmed from now on and I _will make sure of it._ " There was venom in his last few words. _At least someone is gonna protect dorko. He deserves Ty, he's a great guy and much more reliable than you. Time to move on, what's the matter? You've already sealed the deal. Let him go._

 _"_ How about you mind your own fucking business man? I don't think that Edd is it, why don't you just leave him alone." I said flatly trying to banish the thought of Ty touching _my_ dork.

"No, you're mistaken, it's you who will be leaving him alone. I hope I've made this clear, I can't fix him if you don't back off. He doesn't need you any more." He turned on his heal and walked towards the exit. I was pissed off, desperate to hurt someone. _Because he's right? You let Edd go didn't you? Why don't you go find Lizzy get some release from all this frustration._

The thought of touching my girlfriend cooled me off instantly. I sighed audibly and stood in place. I itched so badly to take off to his dorm room and demand an explination. He knew I didn't hurt him right? And I had absolutely nothing to do with that. I pulled my phone from my pocket and played around with the idea of skipping the whole text thing in favor of some face to face time.

 _U made the team! Congrats dude, can't wait to catch that action_ I hit send and reread my lame message over and over. It didn't even deserve a response.

 _Thank you. I intend to do my best._ What to say to that?

 _You like Ty?_ I sent.

 _He's actually very sweet, I think we'll be good friends._ I don't know why this made me so upset again. I wanted him to tell me he thought Ty was a fucking douche who he'd never want to see again in his life. That wasn't Edd though, I was the douche if anything. _And Ty will be the one who picks up the pieces to fix the poor kid you broke._

"Kevin" I looked up from contemplation to see Cas walking up to me. "Hey" I waved.

"What are you doin out here?" She cocked her head and I smiled, she was sweet and pretty. Just the type for Naz, though I was hoping she had a little fight in her when needed because if not she was in for a problem from a mouthy blond.

"I uhh... well nothing important. Just walking around." I lied hoping she hadn't seen Ty on her way over.

"I see, well do you mind if I join you?" She asked.

"No problem, I'm in it for a few more laps." I nodded even though I hadn't had any intention of staying.

We walked in comfortable silence for a while before she asked "Do you think Naz is really... gay?" She didn't meet my eyes and I chuckled.

"If you had any idea the number of times I tried to sleep with her well, you might not actually like me. Never mind. She totally is and I haven't met very many of her girlfriends, just the ones she's serious about." I didn't want to over step but I could tell that Cas was important.

"I... I kinda hated you!" She yelled then her eyes went wide finally finding mine.

"Yeah, I bet. I'm not very likable truth be told." I said slowly.

"I mean for not saving her. She's your best friend and you didn't do anything to save her from your awful girlfriend. She was in the hospital and-" I cut her off.

"Like I said I'm not very likable. I let her down you're right but I won't fuck it up again, I will always be there for her to count on! I'm done being half assed at shit." I clenched my fists hard at my sides and stopped walking trying to tune out the emotion that came from her words ringing true. _Fuck up._

"I'm glad because she loves you." She held my hand and smiled again assuring me that all was forgiven. "It sucks that it had to happen that way but I believe that you're gonna be better now, and she wouldn't leave your side even if you weren't." I held her hand tightly in return.

"Thank you for reminding me, Naz is lucky. You too though, don't let her down." She nodded firmly. _She deserves this, Naz will find happiness. Don't let anyone screw this up._

"What the hell Kev? Keep your dirty paws off!" Naz swiped her hand from mine running up out of breath. She looked confused. I couldn't help myself and engulfed her in my arms squeezing for all I was worth. Cas joined in and Naz was giving me a dirty look.

"So help me if you told her anything-" I burried my face in her shoulder.

"Never mommy dearest." She squealed.

"I am NO ONES mommy!" I released them both giving Naz a tap in the arm.

"Can we please go get a drink?" I begged smiling.

"Oh _yes._ I need a few shots of Tequila!" She kissed Cas on the cheek and smiled.

"I suppose I'll be the driver." Cas agreed reluctantly. There was a bar down town that would serve us even though we hadn't reached 21.


	10. A sense of dread

**I am sorry for the late update and totally understand if I've been abandoned by any of you, anyway I really hope everyone is still following and enjoying. I'm determined to finish this! HAPPY READING**

EDD:  
Finally the weekend was in sight after the last class of today. I waited impatiently in my chair fidgeting uncomfortably. I was reminded of being in grade school waiting for the sound of the last bell to dismiss us from class. Finally the teacher closed her lesson book and we were free.

I was the first one out of the class and slung my overnight bag over my shoulder. I was holding my breath as if waiting for something to impede my exit but I made it to the door leading to the court yard with no incident. I turned my head when I heard familiar voices sounding agitated.

Kevin stood across from Ty and they were glaring at each other with a look of disdain. I raised my hand to wave and hopefully distract them from whatever they were arguing about. Seeing Kevin should have made me ache and want to die, instead though I'd been completely numb. It was as if I'd flipped a switch and there was no pain at all, no happiness or anything.

They saw me and Ty gave him a look, then made his way over. Kevin made eye contact with me and something in the forest green of his eyes made me wonder if he was...sober? He started my way too after Ty was a comfortable distance ahead of him.

They had been at each others throats for a day and then seemed to come to some sort of agreement. It was whatever they had decided that in sighted this kinship they now held, as if they were rival brothers. Ty fell into the roll of older and wiser brother who scolded the younger trying to keep him in line. Kevin, ever impassive, would not be controlled though and Tys attempts often backfired on him. Still they stood with each other, unrelenting and unnerving together.

"Hey." He greeted smiling.

"What were you arguing about?" It was a mild curiosity.

"Don't worry about it." His eyes moved to the side avoiding mine.

Kevin came up behind him and threw an arm around Tys shoulders. "Dorko, how's it hangin?" He winked and I was caught off guard. He'd been avoiding me as if I'd had the plague except the occasional text message.

"Kevin was just leaving." Ty shoved him roughly back and he staggered more than a football star should.

"Are you drunk?" For the first time in days concern cracked my emotionless facade and vulnerability was showing.

"little but 's the weekend am I right?" He smiled sideways and watched me.

"How stupid can you be?" I hissed under my breath.

"I've got it, you go home. I know you've been waiting." Ty grabbed my shoulders turning me towards the parking lot.

"I can't leave him..." I said twisting in his grip.

"Yes, you can." He deadpanned with me and pushed me forward.

"I got somethin to say. C'mere." Kevins large hand closed around my arm yanking me from Tys grasp.

He engulfed me in a warm hug and held tightly. I inhaled pine wishing for a minute that this wasn't just some drunk urge that he didn't have the control to stop. Tears stung my eyes but I blinked them away.

"I miss you." He whispered close to my ear. " _Fuck I miss you."_ He repeated and a lump started in my throat.

Ty ripped me out of his arms shoving me behind him. I stomped my foot, I was sick of being drug around.

"Excuse me gentlemen, I must be going. I'll alert Naz that she needs to come clean this up." I stomped off to my car and dialed Naz to let her know what was happening.

"Again?" She asked when I explained the situation.

"Again what?" I asked confused.

"Nothin... Kev's just been partying a little hard is all. I'll be there in 5 so don't worry." I could hear the rustle of fabric and a door close.

"Is he...okay?" I asked.

"I really don't know. This is the first time I can honestly say that he's not saying shit to _anyone._ He's totally shut down." She sighed heavily.

"What about Elizabeth?" I prompted, surely she'd been privy to some things. _She'd never tell Naz._

"Yeah, she actually came to my room the other day to ask... if I was gay. Then she wanted to know if Kevin was gettin some on the side, asked if I'd heard anything. He's closed up tight." Naz assured me. _It must be desperate for her to ask Naz._

"Fuck, I gotta go. Ty don't you fuc!-" was all I heard before the line went dead.

Eddy texted: _Better be in that car on your way._ I hit reply _I am, though I'm not sure how good of an idea this is._ Maybe someone was sending me signs that this was a terrible mistake.

Eddy: _Get movin time 2 come home_

I replied that I was on my way and would be driving so no more texting. I backed out slowly, flipped on the radio and did not stop the whole ride there. I pulled in to Eddys driveway to find him and Ed sitting on his porch speaking heatedly.

"But Eddddddy! Ralph needs m-" Eddy held a hand up to cut him off and he was silent.

"Not another word, I already told him you couldn't help this weekend. Just us." Ed pouted until he saw me then his face about cracked in half with a large grin. He came running my way without hesitation and swept me up in a spine cracking hug tossing me back and forth.

"So how shall we kick off this weekend boys?" I asked after being set down.

"Eddy got some games double D!" Ed said running back up the white porch steps. I nodded and we made our way to the basement of Eddys childhood home into his room. His parents were growing older, they had retired and he payed most of the bills now.

We gamed hard until the early morning hours. I was sure I'd be unable to sleep now and after they had been claimed by slumber I walked back up stairs and started some breakfast. I was sure that pancakes, eggs and bacon would be appreciated when they woke. Ed would want to help Ralph with the animals and though Eddy wouldn't we were going to.

A sudden ringing in my pocket nearly made me jump out of my skin. It was silent except the shrill tone and I answered quickly without looking at the name.

"Double D, where'd you run off to?" Kevin sounded totally wasted and loud music played in the background.

"Why, may I ask, have you been drinking so much? You know this could get you in some real trouble Kevin. I am across the street from your dad and have half a mind to go tell on you." I threatened.

"Shh, don't tell the old man. That's all I need." He mumbled quietly.

"Then you must promise to cease this pointless downward spiral. I'm worried about you." I whined at the end a bit and hoped he didn't notice in his stoupor.

"Fer real? I'm kinda worried too, I wake up and gotta hit the bottle. I gotta numb this awful-" he stopped talking abruptly.

"Kevin... when I get back perhaps we can talk?" I asked wishing he might remember this promise.

"I can't even look at you Edd." He said blatantly. This came as a shock, I was wondering if perhaps he'd been hurt as I had. I figured he was staying away from me in the hopes that I'd simply keep our affair quiet.

"Perhaps we can find a solution to this, if you were inclined to come home today sober." If I could get him away from some of this stress maybe he'd be able to see reason and pull himself together.

"You...you want me to come home?" he sounded like he wasn't really understanding.

"You will be free to discuss what ales you and will have the guidance of your parents without Elizabeth hanging on your every word." I suggested to clarify.

"Yeah after I sleep this off. Thanks Edd, I'll find you later today." The click indicated that he'd hung up without a goodbye and I felt empty again staring at my blank phone screen.

Ed and Eddy came up the stairs reluctantly to breakfast then I delivered the news we would be helping Ralph. Eddy groaned and complained the whole time but Ed was over the moon with joy.

We moved the animals into trailers and crates and toted them to the fair to unload in stalls and cages. Ed handled them all with great care, talking pleasantly to the animals and Ralph as we finished our jobs.

"Thank you Ed boys, this would have taken me longer than plucking the back hairs from Nana if I were alone." He wiped sweat from his brow and pushed on pitching the last of the hay.

"To the rides!" Eddy yelled and took off in the general direction of the swirling lights and screaming people. We followed closely behind laughing hard enough that running was difficult.

KEVIN

I was standing, hung over and grumbling, in the midst of people at the Peach Creak fair searching frantically for my dork. Naz stood on one side with Cas flanking the other. Naz had insisted on coming tailing me in her car the second she learned of my plan when I accidentally bumped in to her and Cas on the out of town. The girls hadn't even packed bags, just hopped in the car to follow.

Naz was pointing and Cas was excitedly nodding. I spotted Eddy and made a beeline through the thick crowd ignoring everyone around me focusing on finding him and knocking in to a few people on the way. Eddy spotted me before the other two looking me dead in the eye. Unlike when we were kids Eddy wasn't just a pompous dick, he actually had the power to back some of his shit talking up and I wasn't expecting him to start towards me the way he did. He was still short and stocky but had filled out with some muscle and determination.

I was totally taken back when he finally reached me and pulled his hand back to hit me, I deserved it though. I had done unspeakable things to his best friend who wouldn't even yell at me. _You deserve more than a good punch._ I closed my eyes and accepted what was going to happen but it never came, he balled a fist in my shirt and yanked me close.

"You should get the fuck out of here, Double d said not to punch you and I agreed but I can't promise what will happen if you stick around and I don't like lying to him unlike y-" he stopped mid sentense and released me. "No. He can't be here.." Eddy whispered looking at some guy with blond hair closing in on Double d.

What he said wasn't meant for me to hear but some strange sixth sense told me to get between the two of them as fast as I could. I took off at a jog coming from the opposite direction. I got to him first and threw an arm around his shoulders, he froze realized it was me and relaxed. "Someone is coming this way that Eddy didn't like, just go with what I say okay?" I whispered harshly in his ear. He tensed up again and nodded.

"Eddward, it's so nice to see you." The blond spoke sweetly from behind us. I didn't think it was possible for Edd to get any stiffer but under my arm he surely became even more rigid. I turned us with my arm still protectively around his shoulders. "Hey, who are you?" I asked trying my best to sound uninterested.

"Jamie, I assume you must be Kevin. It's a pleasure to meet face to face." He held a hand out that I made no move to take and he let it fall after a minute looking obviously irritated.

"Edd, how have you been?" He turned his head to the side and something in his eyes said predator. I didn't like the way he was looking at Edd or the way Edd shrunk back with every word he spoke.

"Fi..fine thank you... I didn't know you-" he was cut off by this jackass.

"Yes, I've finally been able to return. How awful to find you here with someone else. I didn't imagine you'd have moved on so quickly." He sounded cruel and threatening and Edd shook just a little bit. I wasn't sure what was going on but I didn't like this one fuckin bit. _Save him, he deserves help after everything you've put him through. Do this for him._

"Well I'm glad you know me and all but I don't know you and we got shit to do." I tried to turn us but he actually had the audacity to grab Edds shoulder and do some more talking.

"I have the same number, you will call me later." He instructed flatly and Edd hesitated.

"He's busy under me later, I'd take my fuckin hand off if I were you." I growled. He let go and met my gaze with a steely one of his own.

"It appears you've found yourself a rea-" this time it was my turn to interrupt him.

"Love you." I leaned down and whispered just loud enough for him to hear. Edds face took on the shade of pink I hoped it would at my words and with this dumbass watching I kissed him. It was possessive and rude, it wasn't expected and I didn't ask.

He responded to my mouth, I made sure of it with a swipe of my tongue across the part in his lips. I tangled my hands in his hair and suddenly there was no one else around. It held tightly because it felt like my fucking life depended on this moment and I told him again that I loved him against his mouth. When I heard someone make a disapproving sound around us I surrendered him, wishing I'd done that in private but reveling in the red of his face.

"Let's go babe." I turned us away from this guy who was almost as red as Edd but with an entirely different emotion. He was wringing his hands when we met back up with Eddy who held him in a tight hug. To my surprise he resolved himself and pulled it together.

He let him go and turned on me again. "You win this time, that guys a worse douche than you could ever be. Thanks." I thought that I might have imagined the last part he said it so quiet but smiled regardless.

Ed and Naz met up with us and were oblivious to the whole thing. We left it that way and had a great night riding rides and playing with animals. Edd seemed more relaxed than I'd seen him in months scolding everyone with a fondness that said _I love you_ every time he opened his mouth. I was thankful for this feeling of normalcy.

When we were parting to go to our respective homes in the middle of the street I felt a sense of dread building. It felt like I hadn't taken something into account and I couldn't put my finger on it. Eddy looked over his shoulder at me more than once on his way up the driveway with the other two and I knew he felt it too, something was wrong. I turned when they closed the door and made my way up my porch steps slowly. Upon walking in the house I found my mother hysterical on the phone.

"Are you _sure?"_ Her voice was tense as if she was willing whatever was being said to her on the other end away. As if her trying hard enough would make whatever was causing her hysterics vanish. She had no idea how wrong she was.

She spotted me and pinned me where I stood with eyes on fire. She murmured something that I couldn't hear because I finally remembered what I hadn't been thinking about, who was it that had made that sound of disapproval during my kiss with Edd? Everything sounded like static in my ears as she started towards me angrily yelling something. It didn't matter, I tuned her out. I was aware of everything she had to say without hearing a single word of it.

I was trapped in the living room with our pastor, my mother and some other guy who was writing things down and watching the scene unfold wordlessly.

"Kevin!" My mother literally screamed in my face and I knew i'd missed something important. "Yes?" I asked unsure what else to do. "He asked you a question." I tried to recall what had been asked of me then remembered: _Kevin why don't you tell us your side, I'm sure you have a reasonable explanation son._

"Edd was being harassed by this guy and he did _not_ look friendly. I didn't mean for things to happen like it looked, it was barely a peck and only on the corner of his mouth." I lied smoothly, knowing full well what a lie it was. Anyone who saw that would know better but it's not like there's a video going arou-

My mom held her phone in my face and I watched myself kissing him, my hand around his waist and both our eyes closed. I held him carefully and longingly, as if I was sure he wasn't mine to keep. I knew he was to be returned and I cringed thinking about Ty. _You're in deep shit Barr._

 **A new friendship for Ty and Kevin, I wonder what that means. Finally we've met the elusive guy that Edds been having nightmareish thoughts about. He seemed unpleased. How was Edd feeling about all that?**


	11. so fuck this and fuck you too

**HELLO AND GOOD MONDAY. I PUSHED HARD TO GET THIS ONE OUT TODAY AND ON TIME. TRIGGER WARNINGS ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH SO READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. HAPPY READING.**

 **EDD:**

Eddy waited, watching me without words as I paced back and forth in my kitchen. My hear was speeding up in my chest, pain aching in the cavity as my breathing became erratic in the worst way. I had been able to keep it together for the remainder of our outing but the second Kevins front door closed the flood gates opened and panic stole all reasonable sense I had.

"My heart, it's going to stop!" I could feel my eyes grow wide with fear, surely I could not sustain this level of stress much longer before my muscle gave out.

Eddy came over with a pill and a glass of water murmuring something I couldn't make out. I continued to shout though it was as if I was having an out of body experience and simply watching the scene through a mind that was not my own. Everything was mute, I could see all of our mouths moving but they spoke nothing.

Eddy finally convinced me to swallow the antidote, something that would bring me back to my own body and calm my racing mind. I watched my hand clutching my shirt and I pondered if I really might die. It was surreal to observe this, my friends knelt on the floor next to me with looks of concern they were to busy to conceal. I wanted to assure them that it was fine, that I was fine. I desperately tried to find my voice again, to calm them as they always did for me.

"-not even worth it. You're okay." Eddys voice was the first to return, at first sounding as if we were underwater but with each word he spoke it became clearer. Eddy squeezed my shoulder in silent comfort.

"Double d, can you hear us?" I glanced up at Ed who was watching with an anxiety to nearly match my own and I barked a humorless laugh.

"I'm sorry Ed, I don't know what came over me." I stood up on shaky legs smiling at him hoping to assure that I was back to myself. The pill had worked and though I knew I was edgy it was better than full panic mode on the floor.

"Hey, are you really okay?" Eddy asked, bringing my attention back to him as he cocked his head to the side. I nodded not trusting my voice.

"He won't come here Edd, I promise. If he does me and Kev will take care of it while you and Ed head to see Naz. Okay? You can trust us, we will protect you." Eddy spoke again with conviction he rarley held for things. I knew he was being truthful and I had nothing to fear. I flashed back to the day I'd confided in Eddy, or Eddy had forced me to face myself.

 _"HEY! DOUBLE D!" Eddy grabbed my shoulder roughly and I flinched, I'd been thrown around last night. I had been trying to make my way past Eddy without being seen but he'd been looking for me._

 _"Oh...hello, I have to head home early so I won't be abl-" he rudely cut me off getting right in my face._

 _"I don't fuckin think so, it's time for you to stop lying to your best friend." Eddys voice was low, much more frightening than when he yelled._

 _"Language Eddy please... I don't know what you mean." I lied outright even though we both knew it._

 _He growled in frustration and shoved me in to the bathroom that we'd been standing by. The hallways had been deserted minutes ago and there was not another soul around. He pulled up my shirt and revealed finger shaped bruises littering my torso._

 _I yanked it down feeling heat come to my face in embarrassment. "Eddy! Cease, this is awful." I whispered the last part. "Then stop lying." He chalenged. "I had an accident." I tried again frustration building. Who was he to demand answers from me anyway? He tore the buttons from the front of my shirt sending them flying and removed it completely. He whirled me around to look at myself in the mirror and I gasped.  
_

 _Blueish purple covered me in what looked like spots and a large bruise sat on my shoulder. I'd been telling myself over and over that this wasn't so bad, he said he was sorry and he meant it. I could tell he didn't want to hurt me, he was sick._

 _"Can't you ever mind your own business?! I don't need your help, I don't need you!" I lashed out trying to get him to leave me alone. I was ashamed at myself, someone with my intelligence should know better than to let this happen. He loves me though, he loves me._

 _"You ARE my business, and this ends today. Either you tell him or I will." Eddy threatened sending my heart into overdrive._

 _"No...no you can't do that! Please Eddy, he'll hurt you and me. We'll be in trouble Eddy, my parents will be angry with us as well." I wrapped my arms around my torso trying to shield myself from the mirror._

 _"You're making excuses for someone who doesn't matter. He doesn't matter." Eddy softened and brushed a hand over my cheek, we were both crying and I hadn't realized it._

 _"Please Edd...please for me, for Ed, for yourself... let us help you. You just have to tell the truth okay? Just tell the truth." Eddy wrapped his arms around my middle when the first silent sob shook my body._

 _"He loves me though Eddy, I swear he loves me." I pleaded and I wasn't sure who I'd been trying to convince._

"Double D?" Eddy asked and I finally came back to the present. I smiled and held myself together, everything was going to be okay as long as I didn't let myself get worked up.

"I'm fine." I lied smoothly. I hoped I was believable and I must have been because they gave up. The pill continued to make it's way through my system and eventually I found myself sandwiched in bed with my best friends on either side of me. They were soundly snoring with my phone laying on the night side table by the bed.

My fingers itched to use it, to call Jamie and tell him I'd been wrong all along. I missed him, I wanted him to come back home. _He'll never be kind enough, never be soft enough. Jamie is poison and you'll die trying to cure him._ I sighed willing my eyes to close, with no sleep yesterday it wasn't as hard as it would have usually been.

Drifting into blackness a thought passed my mind: _I_ _wonder how Kevin is?_

 **Kevin**

I looked through my window into Edds from across the street and wished that I could call him. At 19 years old my mother had confiscated my phone and sent me to my fucking room. It would be easy enough to crawl out and knock on Edds window but Eddy and Ed were with him and I knew he'd had enough for one day.

Dad was away on a fishing or hunting trip, something like that. I wasn't really listening to what was being said around me after the video had been flashed in my face and what was waiting for me tomorrow was haunting. I growled feeling much to sober for this bullshit.

I knew mom would make good on her promise about the 72 hour psych hold and even if I left now she knew where to find me but I was _not_ crazy damn it! I replayed the scene in my mind wishing I could change something.

 _"Kevin, this has to end, your fascination with this boy is unhealthy and I think your mental state is compromised. We've agreed for you to be seen at the hospital tomorrow so they can try to help you honey." My mothers hand found my leg and blackness clouded my vision in spots hinting at my lack of control._

 _"Mom it's not his fault he-" she held up a hand and rudley cut me off._

 _"He is a faggot, a plague on this earth. You know I am a tolerant person and I remember that God says to love thy neighbor but when he's going after my son I have to do something. We will fix you darling, he's already been lost to the eternal flames of hell. He's a dirty child, a mongrel with no remorse for what he's done to others, he doesn't love you Kevin. He doesn't know love, only lust." I shot up from the couch and totally lost my temper._

 _"Have you ever thought for one second this is your fault!?" I screamed jabbing an accusing finger at my mother._

 _"You don't mean that." She was almost haughty in her dismissal of what she believed was misplaced blame._

 _"I mean this mother, I love dick! I also love sex with Edd so Fuck this and fuck you too!" She looked like a fish the way her mouth opened and closed over and over. It gave me a sick sense of satisfaction to have upset her like she upset me. She should have kept her mouth shut about Edd._

 _"YOUR ROOM KEVIN BARR!" she had screeched like a pterodactyl.  
_

My vision came back to the scene in front of me. I stood in front of my curtain with tunnel vision focused solely on Edds room. The lights had flicked off about a half an hour ago and I wondered if he had fallen asleep. I knew that I'd find no sleep tonight, I would be watching to make sure that creep stayed away from Edds house.

I pondered my recent problems. Liz and the baby were always at the back of my mind, though I was sure that what happened today would not reach them, my mother was over the moon with the idea that she'd be having a granchild and made it her business to make sure Liz was as stress free as possible. I paced back and forth thinking about Ty, he'd hear for sure.

After we'd had a falling out on the track I came to him the next day venomous with anger and hate. I'd also been drunk in the middle of the day and on campus. He'd covered for me, dragging me to the locker room and insisting I go with him to his room. I slept it off and when I woke I was met by a furious force of nature who had nagged me consistently since, as if he felt responsible for me somehow.

I had been looking for both him and double D but thankfully I'd happened on Ty first. My intention was to tell double D and anyone who was around to listen that as long as he would have me I was his. I wanted to stake my claim and make sure everyone knew.

 _"Can you imagine the guilt Edd would feel if you sprung this on him? If you told him you couldn't stop this downward spiral he'd started. You can't walk around like this Barr, pull it together. My team will suffer if you don't." He wagged a finger at me like a nagging mother and I complied_

 _I had told him of my intention to let Eddward know exactly how this whole not breakup thing was going. I had intended to tell him I needed him, that I could never picture myself with anyone else again. I wanted to say that if he'd have me and my baby I'd be the man he needed and deserved. Anticipation prickled my skin leaving me feeling ready to crawl out of it when Ty had scolded me and told me to get it together. "You can't really be this selfish." I shuddered at the realization that I was indeed that selfish._

"Kevin!" mom burst through my door in a panic evident in the frantically searching eyes. I cocked my head to the side unsure of what she wanted.

"Liz, she's at the hospital. We need to go see her now." She grabbed my sleeve and drug me to her car. I was too confused to ask questions until I'd been buckled and the car was speeding down the road, unlike my mom to go so fast.

"What's wrong with her?" I asked sending a silent prayer that my child was okay.

"She's bleeding..." my mother grimaced and her fingers turned white from gripping the steering wheal so hard. A sense of dread spread, leaving my limbs cold and tingling.

"Did... did they say anything?" I whispered harshly.

"She's not sure yet, they took some blood and are running it now. They intend to do an ultrasound and find the problem" she seized my hand and held tightly. I welcomed the comfort and blinked rapidly trying to stop tears.

We drove in silence the whole way and the second the car was parked I was out jogging to the door. "Room 131" mom called from behind me, grabbing things from the back seat.

I found the room on the sixth floor and entered without knocking. They had a bed side ultrasound going on and a teary Liz watched the techs face for any signs that something might be wrong. The woman with dark brown hair looked to be about 50 and schooled her face in to a mask of indifference as she glided the wand across Liz with precision.

"Can you see anything?" Liz craned her neck trying to get a better look at the screen. The woman shook her head "I don't know one thing from the next. You'll have to wait for the doctor." She looked disappointed and sank back on the bed her eyes finally falling on me.

She immediately burst in to tears and held her arms out like a waiting child. I took a hand and held it in my own, it was cold and damp from nervous perspiration. She finished up and nodded exiting the room.

"Oh Kevin, I'm so sorry!" Liz threw her arms around my neck and sobbed while I smoothed her hair attempting to comfort her. "It's okay, whatever happens we are fine. You didn't do anything wrong." I assured over and over in a soothing tone. _Didn't she? If something happens to your child... or was it you? Such a shame you caused her so much stress._ I squashed my inner monologue and clamped my mind shut willing silence in the room and my head.

She was becoming hysterical, my arrival had only served to upset her more. Soon the heart monitor was alarming and her breathing was erratic with anxiety I wasn't sure how to quell. A nurse came in and looked uneased seeing Liz so frantic. She smiled at me and pulled a bottle of clear liquid from her pocket before drawing some into a needle and putting it in the IV connected to Liz's arm.

"A little something to calm her down" the blond nurse patted Liz's hand and smiled at me again. Soon it worked and she dozed off when the tears dried up complaining of feeling very tired and dizzy. I took the moment to exit the room for some air and continue to hold myself together. My mother sat in the waiting room, I caught her eye and nodded her back. She was up and headed that way with a bag in no time.

I turned down a hallway to the elevator and heard hushed voices.

"-if there was never one in the first place." A familiar voice said.

"You won't be able to tell her that, we need to keep her for observation." A harsh reply came.

"She believes this baby is real, _send her to psych."_ the familiar voice stressed. I peaked quickly around the corner and saw the brunette nurse from earlier talking to an older doctor with greying hair who looked like the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

"There was never a baby in there, I'm 100% sure she believed that she was carrying one though. A woman knows." She stressed this sentence and all at once I realized they were talking about Liz.

A myriad of emotions tore threw me bringing me to my knees. _Pain, guilt, happiness, anxiety, hope, emptiness._ I couldn't breathe, two pairs of eyes found me and realized that I'd heard. "He's her boyfriend." The nurse cussed under her breath and helped me to my feet. "I cant..." _do this. I need to leave. Run away, fuck up._ I begged her silently to understand, to help me.

She sat me down, her and the doc said some things I didn't hear and finally she regarded me. "You should be the one to tell her. You need to offer support and remind her this is not her fault, I don't think she was trying to hurt you or trick you. Sometimes you just want something so bad you fool yourself into thinking you really have it, that it was really yours to begin with." Her mocha eyes met mine and they sent a message: _Now is when you step up._

"I think this was fate...there's someone else and I've been trying to make this work but it was never going to. I think this is best." I said but something wet hit my hand, then more as if it were raining. I realized it was me, I was crying hot salty tears and painful sobs ripped from my chest. What was my problem? This was never real to begin with. There is no loss here, only gains.

"You never know what you have until it's gone, sometimes you don't even know you wanted it to begin with. Then it's taken away and there's no more denial, there's nothing left to hide behind. This pain is raw and open, but it will heal like all things. You will heal." She held my hand as more pain poured from me, I felt like a shell of the man I should be. I had been wrong about everything and now it might be to late, I should have stepped up and stood my ground. _You should have been the man you claimed, you should have done the right thing!_

I don't know how long she held my hand or how long I sat waiting for it to stop hurting like it did. I suddenly realized that it wasn't going to any time soon and grudgingly I stood on my feat, now more than ever it was time to do what needed to be done. Liz would need some comfort, Edd would need the truth and Naz would need a little truth of her own as well. Time to stand.

I walked down the hall feeling numb when I entered the hospital room and Liz looked exactly how I felt. Her eyes were glassy and far off, she was pale and had an almost inhuman stillness to her while my mother cried clutching her hand. I cleared my throat and mom left the room still sobbing.

"Liz, I forgive you." I whispered from the foot of her bed.

"I forgive you to Kev, I'm sorry this... I fucked up." She made no excuse and still had a far off look.

"You need some help now Lizzy okay?" I said walking to her side. She nodded blankly.

"I love you Liz, I'm sorry this wasn't enough for us. I'm sorry for all the shit I did and my part in-" my voice broke, throat thick with emotion. "In all of this, I wish I was a better man for you, a better man to you. You deserve more." I kissed the top of her head and longed for us at fifteen before callousness and jealousy turned us into this thing that I didn't even recognize any more.

A new nurse came in and nodded to me with a needle full of new liquid. She shot Liz up and not thirty seconds later her eyes rolled back in her head. "She's being moved and her mother will be here soon. You won't be able to see her, we'll have a hold for a few-" the nurse was cut off by the door closing. I knew the drill and she wasn't getting out of this place any time soon.

I made my way to the exit numbly. _If they got their hands on you, you'd never leave. You're more fucked in the head than even Elizabeth._ I smiled sarcastically almost wishing they'd keep me to.

Naz called my phone that mom had returned to me for the ninth time. I finally picked up as I pushed through the doors. "Hello." I said flatly.

"Kev, what's going on? I've been trying to call you for like hours!" She sounded on edge and I wondered if she knew. "What's up?" I sidestepped the silent _where have you been_ question.

"Double D was over here, he didn't look so good... said some shit about your mom seeing a kiss?" she sounded pressing, like she wanted to know what was happening but didn't want to ask. It was in that moment I decided to throw my thoughts out to her, even if she didn't want to hear them. Once she found out what had happened today there would be no way to talk about her, only about me.

"You need to tell Cas." I deadpanned with her hoping she'd get the message but a surprised _what?_ was all I got.

"You have to tell her you're in love with her. I know you're scared but life is now, today or never. You need to do it Naz." I urged and hoped didn't feel like arguing today.

"Kev... don't go there." She whispered.

 **Hope this was good for you. Let me know if you're enjoying? THANKS FOR READING AS ALWAYS -ENA.**


	12. More so, who is to blame?

**A big thank you to Katiedid142 and erinleigh121 you guys always make me smile when I see a review pop up. Thank you! THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO IS STILL READING AND ENJOYING. I'll try to keep my updates on time. Back to the story, I wrote this whole chapter via Edd and threw some smutt your way because it's been a while and it fit nicely into the story. I kinda like the idea of Kevin being supernaturaly and wolfish lol but I wouldn't do that to you so don't worry. HAPPY READING- ENA**

 **EDD:**

Before I knew it, Sunday was upon me and I was alone for the first time all weekend at my house. I hadn't heard from Kevin, I hadn't even seen him. Naz seemed unusually clammed up about whatever was going on. I smeared peanut butter on a piece of bread and prepared my lunch eating in peaceful silence.

I was interrupted by a fierce pounding on my door. Panic shot through me, I was alone and whoever that was sounded angry. I stood on shaking knees and made my way at practically a crawl through the living room to the door. My curtains were closed and there was no way anyone knew I was home so I stood up on tip toes to pear in to the peep hole in the door.

I let a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding loose and relaxed. I unlocked the deadbolt, the sliding lock and the lock on the handle opening the door. Kevin looked out of breath, he'd forgotten his hat, his cheeks were pink with exertion and his hands shook. "Dork..." he looked past me and saw no one in my home. Shock washed over me when he shoved me back in the room.

The locks sounded as he redid them one by one before turning to me. "Sock head I- no Edd, I have something to tell you." He met my eyes with a steely gaze of a man who was determined.

"Well come out with it then, I know something weird has been happening." I said, feeling myself grow nervous.

"I love you." He said, loudly with conviction.

"Kevin...please, don't do this..." I whined, why was he intent on hurting us both?

"No, no hear me out please. I love you, I ended it with Liz and the baby... she lied, she's sick and everything..." he looked crazed, wild eyes begging for no questions. I let what he'd said sink in, no more Elizabeth and no baby? Elizabeth is sick.

"She's mentally ill?" my question was met with a single jerk of his head indicating I was correct.

"Kevin, you can't just... we can't do this because you suddenly find yourself..." I faltered under his unflinching gaze.

"It's not, don't you dare say that I only want you because I don't have her. Don't. You. Dare." He closed the distance between us and grabbed me around my waist roughly.

"That's not what I said, you're grieving Kevin. This is wrong." I placed my hand on well sculpted pecks and pushed to no avail. He hadn't moved at all and was watching me with the predatory look of Kevin who wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Help me." He sounded strained and the plea broke my heart when the hardness in his eyes slipped revealing a pain so desperate he might crumble. I nodded reluctantly and we needed no more words. His mouth crushed mine in a punishing kiss as if I'd been denying him.

He licked at the seam of my lips, I parted them granting him entrance. His mouth slanted over mine fully while he picked me up, wrapping my legs around his waist and moving to the stairs. He carried me with little effort and growled when I rolled my hips against his growing length. I was lost in euphoria of the beautiful man holding me tightly.

I was tossed roughly on my bed, landing on my back and wrinkling my sheets. I gasped when he tugged my shirt over my head and discarded it on my floor, wishing for a split second to clean the mess before he was on me again. I discarded his shirt in the same fashion and felt a thrill race up my spine, how naughty I was. He ground against me and purred when he felt I was just as ready as he was. With a wicked smile he yanked my shorts down along with my underwear in one motion and freed my length. I pulled my hat down over my eyes and felt heat in my face.

He looked up at me and pulled my hat up. "Look at me." He commanded and lavished my torso with kisses, nipping and sucking on his way down. In one swift motion I was in his mouth and my hips came off the bed with a moan I couldn't stop.

He swirled his tongue around the head and pumped with his hand. It was exquisite torture and I closed my eyes against the erotic scene of Kevin on his knees at the edge of my bed with every inch of me in his mouth. He was slow and deliberate with hot breath and talented tongue, drawing breathy sighs and sweet moans from my lips that I'd had no intention of sharing. He growled in his throat and the vibration sent a shock through me, I almost came in his mouth. I opened my eyes wide to see that he'd noticed I'd closed them.

He took out my cock with a wet pop and smiled again. "Mine." It barley sounded like a word with the animalistic manner he'd spoken. I swallowed thickly praying he'd be gentle. He flipped me belly down and I hear his zipper. I nodded to the night table and he popped open the lube that had been in the drawer. I felt a finger, stretching and teasing drawing a shudder from me. A second digit burned a little but not for long, soon I felt him at my entrance probing slick and bare. "A condom, Kevin ple-" I was cut off by a single thrust that buried him deep, a hand grasped the back of my neck holding me in place and all thought was gone.

"Tell me." He demanded with a squeeze of the hand on the back of my neck.

"Please... please." I whined trying to wiggle under him.

"Say it." He ground out harshly.

"Fuck me, please fuck me." I begged and to my delight he complied. He thrust in and out hard and slow, torturing me with every brush of the bundle of nerves he'd found. He bent down and placed kisses all over my neck and shoulders, taking my hat off and sweetly caressing the raven curls and whispering in my ear about all the ways he'd like to have me again and again. I knew instantly that he'd make good on his promises and the idea of being with him over and over excited me.

"Oh God, you're to tight." He was breathy in my ear and knowing I satisfied him made my cock painfully hard. As if he knew what I was thinking he reached his free hand between us and stroked to the rythm of his thrusts. I was so close I was about to go crazy.

"Faster." I pleaded desperately. His pace sped up unforgiving and harder than I imagined he was capable.

"God, you feel like heaven." He whispered. "Are you gonna cum for me?" He teased lightly.

"Yes, yes I'm so close." I could only do what he asked.

"Let me hear you again, say those filthy words for me." He probed with a harsh thrust of his hips.

"Fuck me, harder faster! Please, I'm gonna cum!" I cried and he complied.

"Should I cum inside you baby?" his voice was like velvet, I needed him.

"Yes, cum inside me. I want you to fill me up with every little bit you have." I wasn't myself, I was saying whatever came to my mind.

"Aghh, here it comes, lets do it together." He gave a squeeze with his hand and I fell over the edge into bliss spurting white ribbons over my bed while his cock twitched inside me emptying. "I love you." I hadn't meant to say it but in my stupor I'd confessed again, I was vulnerable again.

He collapsed against my back and swirled sweetly on my arm with his finger. "Kevin, I can't breathe." His weight was becoming to much in my position. He shot up and all the way across the room. Somehow I knew things would go wrong when I let this happen.

He paced back and forth like a caged tiger, irritation evident in his eyes. He was oblivious to my presence and it set me on edge. I wasn't sure what to make of what had just happened and I was sure that Kevin had no answers to offer me, I felt like he was slipping away before my eyes. Rage burned behind every jerky movement of his body.

I stood and his eyes zeroed in on my movement. In an instant he was on me again, pawing and kissing. He was raw hunger and power, I was terrified that I would let him overwhelm me. Loving him might devour my soul and as I searched emerald eyes I wondered, would that be so terrible? An all consuming desire so powerful it might shake my very existence to the core. Was this real love?

"We have to talk." I urged trying to put a millimeter of space between us.

"There is nothing to talk about, quit it." He snapped, mood instantly changing from the sweet and sultry of mere seconds before.

"About Liz." I pressed, now or never.

"Shut up!" He yelled, hands releasing me.

"I wont, you need to talk about this... I let it slide and I shouldn't have. It's not good to keep things to yourself Kevin, believe me." I spoke softly hoping to reach him.

"What do you know about any of this? You've always been gay dude, you can't relate to this." He said it softly back, but the venom in his words burned.

"I know about having a sick spouse, I know about trying to deny it. I know it hurts." I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eye any more, I found the his shoes were a much safer place to stair.

"A baby! She lied, I can't even be fuckin mad because it wasn't like she even knew herself! Who the fuck is to blame for this and tell me double dork what the hell do you know about it?" His accusation struck a real nerve.

"I was beaten mercilessly and raped, he's sick as well though. Tell me Kevin who do I blame for that? More so, who is to blame for the only guy I've willingly slept with acting the way you act?!" it was my turn to make accusations and demand retribution from someone, though it had no place to come from.

When I finally looked up to his face it was a mask of horror. _He knows your dirty little secret now, you're damaged goods. Kiss all of this goodbye, at least you got to have sex one last time._

I choked back a sob sure that he actually was feeling that way about me. Why did I have to open my big mouth? I couldn't stop the feeling of my whole world crumbling around me. I squeezed my eyes shut so tight I saw white and willed myself to pull it together. _Stop being so weak!_

Large arms closed around my shoulders pulling me close and squeezing. "I keep messin up, I know this isn't your fault. I'm sorry, I am so _so_ sorry. I know you deserve more than-" he inhaled deeply trying to calm himself "-someone like me, I don't deserve you. I'm selfish and when I hurt I say things I don't mean. I do shit that I do _not_ mean. Whatever you need Edd, I'll be there for you." I sighed and fat hot tears slid down my face to his shoulder, soaking his shirt.

"You are a beautiful person Kevin, you feel things so openly... I hope one day I can express myself more like you. I don't want to hold things in any more, I want to talk about it and not let it eat away at me. I want to be worthy of this love you have." I whispered not trusting the full volume of my voice.

"Can we just...?" he motioned towards my bed and I nodded, there was nothing more I wanted right in that moment.

He picked me up and curled his body around mine, snuggling me on the bed and holding tightly. To hell with class tomorrow and everything else that might happen before we were able to leave. For now we both needed this.

We passed the time talking about everything we'd been keeping in. He told me what happened with Elizabeth and I assured him the resentment he was feeling was normal and justified. Hurt was relevant even if he wasn't sure what he was so sad about, I assured him that sometimes you don't need a reason at all.

I spoke of Jamie, how I loved him so much and how he'd used me. I had been nothing more than a possession to him, a toy to take out when he got bored until one day it developed into obsession. Mother and father thought he was good for me, he took care of me and made sure I did what needed to be done. They didn't see the bruises or notice I flinched whenever he moved to quickly. They turned a blind eye to me being forced into his bedroom, thought nothing of the way I never looked him in the eye.

When Eddy had told them, when he had screamed at the top of his lungs in my driveway after being turned away, it was a turning point.

 _"You have to listen, I wouldn't lie." He stood in front of the door with me standing behind him wringing my hands._

 _"Nonsense, Jamie has been the best thing for Eddward. You and Ed are simple and just cause him trouble, he should be focusing on his studies not playing games with you." Father had practically spat in his face._

 _"You think you're better than me? Why don't 'cha just say it?" Eddy challenged. Father looked on in silent judgement trying to get me to meet his eyes._

 _"This is enough." Mother dismissed us both and opened the door. Eddy yelled in frustration, dragging me out the door by my arm._

 _"I told you this was a bad idea." I was shaking like a leaf, I would pay for this._

 _"Everyone gather round!" Eddy started screaming in my driveway and I was mortified._

 _"Jamie beats the shit out of my best friend!" He repeated over and over until a small group of people were looking and mother was rushing out the door. I yanked my hat over my eyes and wished to melt in to the floor._

 _"His parents are responsible and won't do a damn thing, you're cowards!" Suddenly my mother was a few feet away and frozen in horror. I realized then that Eddy had pulled the collar of my shirt exposing my shoulder injury to the world. I felt myself die a little on the inside as I searched mothers gaze but she was locked on to something behind us._

 _Eddy released me and the sound of his quick footsteps drew my attention, I whirled just in time to see Eddys hand connect with Jamies face. A scream of horror bubbled up in my throat and anxiety sent black spots before my vision._

"I know you aren't ready yet. I know we have a million things standing in our way, but I want you to think about it. Please Edd, think about being with me, we can tell whoever when you're ready. We can keep it to ourselves if that's what you want, all I know is I want _you._ " Kevin pressed a hand into my back drawing me closer.

"Let's talk about it later." I whispered and closed my eyes, finally black sleep taking me under. That night I dreampt of Jamie and Kevin, both telling me to make a choice. One or the other, who did I love more?

 _Who did I love more?_

I woke to Kevin still soundly sleeping. I prepared breakfast and we had a joyful morning of peace and a few movies. I was happy, content to be sitting on the floor between his legs laughing at a cheesy comedy movie he'd chosen. Naz knocked on the door after the last movie was over as if she'd been waiting.

I opened smiling brightly, today was a day to be happy. "You didn't leave either?" she asked with a hand on the back of her head.

"I suppose we should have but we've yet to drag ourselves to the cars for the return drive home." I stepped aside letting her and Cas in who were holding hands in an iron grip. _Something has changed with that, you'll have to ask later._

Kevin waved without turning from the television having heard Naz come in. "My car won't even start. I have no idea what's wrong with it. Eddy said he could fix it but it's gonna take a few days and we can't wait in the mean time. Who can we catch a ride with?" A lopsided smile graced her lips and I wondered for the millionth time how she and Kevin weren't related. Their mannerisms were so similar sometimes it was scary.

"I have two open seats." I nodded to the door indicating my car in the driveway. She nodded her thanks. "Good, we already put all of our stuff in

Kevins." Naz laughed.

I made lunch for all of us and after cleaning up our messes we went to the driveway where Eddy and Ed were waiting. Eddy slapped me hard on the back insisting he'd see me soon. Ed hugged me with a fierce death grip, when he set me down and I was trying to catch my breath I saw something odd pass between Eddy and Kevin.

They were standing off, facing each other with a stoic expression of... _understanding. They are passing a silent message along, this is not for your eyes. Leave it alone._ I felt a pang of loneliness at being kept out of the secret they might be keeping. A small smile crept to my lips though, they were friends. Or close.

We piled in to the cars to pull out of the drive and a sick sense of dread started in my stomach. I looked around expecting to find something wrong or out of place. I swore I saw a flash of pale hair duck behind the corner of my house and I almost started hyperventilating. I slammed on the breaks and threw the car into park, retching the door open. _Eddy, Kevin. Where are they? Find them!_

Naz was speaking but I couldn't hear her as I scanned the immediate area and landed on them locking the front door. Kevin met my eyes, read my panic and rushed over with Eddy close. "What's wrong?" it sounded like we were under water and my head had just broke the surface. I inhaled deeply pointing in the direction of the back yard.

"I think I saw him." I murmured. Eddy and Kevin went predator stalking quickly and quietly behind the house. A silent scream rose in my throat when I heard yelling.

 **I hope everyone is doing good. Let me know if you can :)**


	13. I had to find the will

**A day late and a dollar short, but I did my best. This was hard to write and might be hard to read. I felt bad for Edd through the ending of this chapter, who knows what is to come. Happy reading.**

Eddy at my side we moved as a team to the back of the house. Both of us were silent, I never realized he could be this quiet. _Protect him._ My instincts were screaming at me, hair on my arms standing on end. Danger was around the back and we were headed for it.

We came upon Jamie; he was standing nonchalantly leaning against the house with a small smile on evil lips. I felt blinding rage threatening at just the sight of him, I was a danger to him and myself.

"Eddy, surely you understand. I only wished to speak to him without this." He totally dismissed me with a wave of his hand and Eddy straightened from the slightly crouched position we both stood in.

"You know you're terrorizing him. Leave." Eddy left no room for argument but he didn't look swayed.

"You can't have Edd, he's mine." I spoke slowly and dangerous, not to be tossed aside.

"A possession is he? He always did hate that." Jamies bitter laugh was enough to set me on edge, something was fundamentally wrong with this guy.

"He has never refused me, he may think me a monster in his mind but I gave him _exactly_ what he wanted." The black spots in my vision grew bigger, I shook feeling myself slipping farther.

Eddy shook his head once "leave. Before I call the cops. I swear in the time it takes them to get here we'll be sure to let them know you were _volatile_ and we did what we had to. " He held a phone out indicating it was no threat, a promise gleamed brightly in his eyes. I felt satisfied with him, he was protecting Edd with a ferocity to match my own.

" _He's mine."_ Malicious eyes found me as if he were trying to provoke me. It worked, with precision and speed I flew at him sick of this bastard making claims he couldn't back up. Eddy reached for me barely catching the back of my shirt.

"If you don't stop you're going to jail!" he yanked on the strained piece of yellow cotton.

Jamie stood a few feet away from me watching, he looked startled when he met my eyes. I wasn't sure what he found there but I hoped it was terrifying and unforgiving.

"We're going home!" I yelled, huffing and turning sharply on my heal. I marched back to the driveway where Edd was pacing relentlessly and Naz leaned on the passenger door of the car where Cas sat.

Seeing him so frazzled did something to me, a fierce need to be with him grabbed hold and I sprinted to him. The look of terror on his face stopped me dead in my tracks mere inches from him.

"Kevin..." he reached a hand out stroking my cheek and something deep inside me was so satisfied with his touch I felt a purr like rumble in my chest.

"Your eyes...they're black." He looked astonished though I'd expected fear. I nipped the hand that lingered on my face playfully, a smile curving my lips. I was rewarded with the same smile on Edds face, something moving behind me set me back on edge though. I turned and saw nothing but still felt uneasy.

I kissed him, crushing our lips together in front of God and who ever decided to watch. He whined at my tight grip, turning in my arms. I loosened and broke apart our lips. "I will always protect you." I vowed. He held my hand tightly.

In the end he decided that driving was a bad idea for me, I let him do what made him feel safe. Naz drove my car and a part of my subconscious itched with annoyance, the car was my baby. I couldn't form coherent words, Eddy had been whispering something to Edd when we left and that irritated me too.

"Are you feeling alright?" he cocked his head to the side about halfway through our drive. It was the first he'd spoken to me and it felt like someone caressing me to hear his sweet voice.

I opened my mouth but nothing came out, instead I grabbed his hand. I was disgusted with the idea of someone touching Edd against his will and when he held my hand in return peace washed over me.

"I don't know what happened." I spoke carefully, slowly. My tongue felt like a slug stuck to the roof of my mouth and to force words was difficult.

"I don't either. You had no color in your iris at all. What happened when you went behind the house?" He squeezed my fingers gently.

"That fucker." I growled, feeling almost like what I was watching was out of my control. Was I in control of my body?

"He has a way of provoking people, manipulating you into doing things you don't mean to. You're better than that Kevin; don't let someone so insignificant control your emotions." He offered an encouraging glance and without warning I needed answers. I wasn't sure what prompted such a violent reaction but I wanted blood.

"Is that why you miss him? You do don't you? You want to go back to him!" The accusation in my voice was poisonous and unprovoked. He'd done nothing to earn this but the beast was raging, demanding someone take punishment.

Edd, to his credit, didn't even flinch. Instead he smiled bigger and bigger until manic laughter filled the car in a wave of insanity. "I suppose I do, who-" he withdrew his hand to cover his still laughing mouth. "-would have ever imagined that I'd end up like this?" more laughs, I was half perplexed and half disgusted with myself. How could I be so hateful? _Fuck up._

"I love him, I probably always will. It's not right and I have no explanation to offer you, but know that I would never take him back. Jamie did things to me that you can't make right, things you cannot take back." Edd deadpanned suddenly, all humor evaporated.

"I'm sorry." My tongue over filled my mouth again and I wished I was a better person. He met my eyes and nodded letting me know he forgave me.

We returned to school around dinner, stopped to eat together and went to Edds room. He unpacked while I lay on the bed watching television. It seemed so normal, being with him and sharing our space.

My phone buzzed in my hand, a text from my mother asking me to call her. I sighed but did as I was asked dialing her numbers and waiting for her to pick up.

"Kevin?" as if she was expecting any one else.

"What's up?" I asked.

"I think we should talk about that boy..." she sounded half disgusted and half heart broken.

"Right now?" _So not in the mood for this bullshit._

"Please Kevin, I'm very worried about you." She quietly probed.

"Nothin to talk about, I told you what it was and I still feel the same way." I tried to sound final. She told me she loved me and hung up.

Edd was watching me with large eyes full of questions that I wanted to answer, I wanted to assure him that things would be fine. Better than before, I wanted him to know that I was ready to be a better person. How could I possibly convince him that I was changed when I wasn't convinced myself.

"Come to my game, I'll come to your swim meet and we can just hang okay? No pressure, just me, you and some great memories." I smiled hoping that he'd give me a chance even if I wasn't sure I deserved one.

"I suppose... I'll come to your game." He returned my smile and crawled in to bed with me to watch television.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and buried my face in the crook of his neck inhaling deeply. I savored the smell of rain and Edd making sure to remember it always.

 **EDD:**

The week flew by, Kevin popped up randomly and was pleasant. I wasn't sure how to feel about him, he seemed to be consistent though and this was pleasing. I went to practice and talked to Eddy once who assured me Naz's car was fixed and all was well. It was a relief to not be invisible or hated. Lots of people whispered about Elizabeth and the constantly changing opinions were enough to make me cringe every time someone said her name.

It was finally Saturday and I was getting ready for the game. Kevin had invited me and I was trying to decide if the scarf I was considering was over doing it, it was windy out though. I decided that the yellow and maroon striped looked fine when paired with my maroon jacket and dark wash jeans. I pulled my hat on and made my way to the area I'd told Naz to meet me at.

She and Cas were waiting for me and holding hands. Naz had a pink nose and looked positively put out while Cas smiled and waved me over. "I love fall!" She squealed.

Naz groaned and grumbled about hating cold. We walked to the bleachers and got good seats in the front, I handed them a thermos of hot apple cider I'd prepared and Naz lit up.

"I hate pumpkin but your apple cider is always delicious!" she snatched the drink from me. Cas made a face disagreeing.

"Pumpkin spice is the best." Naz laughed in her face and took a large drink.

We sat cozy and watched the rest of the game play out. Our team won and they all looked excited, pouring some blue liquid all over Kevin who met my eyes in that moment. His face was flushed, a lopsided grin played on his mouth, and his eyes blazed with devilish intent. I shivered at the promise on that face and waved my arm.

He was being pulled off to the locker room, we all stood up to use the bathroom. The ladies room was around the corner so I told Naz I'd see her later, we promised to meet up later for late dinner and a few scary movies.

I walked into the bathroom and washed my hands before doing anything, getting warm water running and flexing my fingers numb from cold. It was then I felt it, someone was standing behind me. The hairs on the back of my neck rose and I turned calmly. I could feel danger.

I didn't have the chance to say a single word or look at any of the faces that were surrounding me. I hissed in pain when I fist connected with my stomach, my arms covering my middle instinctively. From behind something hard connected with my head and my vision was swimming, I fell to my knees.

Suddenly my hat was snatched off and I could hear the distinct vibrating sound of... clippers? _They're shaving your head, don't you dare fucking move!_ I cringed wishing to thrash or run but knowing better. I would only cause more trouble for myself.

After this was said and done I lay in the middle of the floor, I could feel hot sticky blood on the head injury I possessed. I didn't want to move until I was sure I was alone. I opened an eye and found a pair of shoes still standing in front of me.

"You fag, this is all your fault!" the familiar voice shouted at me. "Lizzy and me had something good, but then you had to fuck everything up!" The voice was raging and did not belong to Kevin. Reliefe and confusion washed over me, who ever it was had a fling with Lizzy? I chanced a glance up, the guy who had kicked me in the ribs stood over me. His name escaped me, my head ached to much to focus.

A yelp of pain escaped me when his large cleat came down on my hand, a sickening crack resonating off the walls. I let out another sharp yelp but thankfully adrenaline stopped the majority of the pain from registering. The noise I made earned me more attention and fresh pain bloomed over my rib cage as his foot found a nice spot to play kickball with. One, two, three times in the same spot before another crack sounded. Panic more than I'd felt in a long time bubbled up.

 _You might die here, was it worth it? Didn't he promise he'd fuck everything up? He's done that and isn't even here to see the results._ There was more shouting but I was to incoherent to even hear what he was saying, a strange calm quelled my growing fear. _If he kills you there's nothing you can do, just play this out. Maybe love was worth it after all?_

He grabbed me by the shoulders hauling me towards a bathroom stall. I panicked when I realized that my face was going in to the bowl but thankfully the feeling only lasted for a second. _Death might come but you won't be a coward in it's shadow. We. Are. Fine._ A strong hand held the back of my head submerge under water for a long time. I thrashed and kicked out trying to get him off but it didn't matter. Black spots began in my vision just before I was pulled up sputtering and coughing, this went on until eventually the black spots took my entire field of vision. _Am I really to die in such filth? Who could imagine someone living in such sterility to die in a cesspool._ All coherent thought fled me and the darkness claimed everything.

 _"Edd!" Kevin was jogging up to me after the game. I had begun my walk to the bleachers to wait but he met me between. I waved enthusiastically and he didn't slow his pace instead picking me up and spinning me gleefully in a circle. I watched his face, pure wonder shining in his eyes as he took in my face._

 _I wanted to kiss the flushed cheeks, the cute red nose, the pouty pink lips. I still had so much to tell him and a sudden urgency to say it all thrust to the front of my mind. He cocked his head to the side as if noticing a change in my face._

 _"What's wrong?" He asked setting me lightly on my feet._

 _"I... have to tell you something, I know you said to take my time but I think I need to tell you now..." the urgency ramped up, sending my heart speeding for no reason._

 _"What is it?" he smirked sideways._

 _"I love you, no matter what I love you. No matter what happens I would never regret us, you've given me a great gift in finding myself. I've found courage I didn't know I had, I'm a better person for having loved you and I hope that you-" my voice broke, thick with emotion. "- feel the same." I could force no more words, my throat was clogged shut._

 _"You're leaving me..." he said looking bewildered but it wasn't a question. It was a statement."No, you can't leave yet."  
_

 _"I...need you to let me go.." I wasn't sure why I was saying these things when I wanted more than anything else to stay right here and hold him. I wanted to be with him forever but something was urging me away. A deep, cold, welcoming blackness was calling me sweetly. I took a step back without turning hoping he'd get the message._

 _My body was on autopilot as I turned to walk away but he caught my sleeve and pulled hard. "You're not leaving me. Not yet." He stressed, yanking urgently. "Don't go, please you don't have to go yet. Please." I closed my eyes to listen to his voice, soothe myself with the idea that he would be fine when...when what? What was happening?_

 _I opened my eyes and everything around us was black, it was just him and I clinging desperately to one another. I felt so exhausted, the task of just keeping my eyes open seemed nearly impossible. I found a wild urgency when I met Kevins forest green, emeralds shining with unshed tears. I lifted a hand with great effort to touch his face. Was it not my job to quiet the demons lurking in that forest? Why was I trying to leave him.  
_

 _"I love you." I insisted trying to smile. I felt empty, a hollow echo sounding behind me as if an old clock were chiming that time was up. It was time to go. "Tell me, tell me you love me too." I asked, knowing we would be cut short._

 _"No, if I tell you it's like saying goodbye! I won't say goodbye, not to you, not here. We have a long life to live you and me. It's time to open your eyes. You won't die, not for me. Not like this." He squeezed and searing pain shot through my head. Die? Was I dying? A loud ringing was suddenly deafening, making any thought almost impossible.  
_

 _Kevin kissed me, hot and heavy with an urgency I hadn't seen from him ever, then he melted away before my eyes. I stood in front of a large wooden gate, it was slightly ajar and I knew I was meant to open it. It was time to walk through. I glanced behind me, there was an irritating prickle on the back of my neck. I found a blinding light behind me._

 _"Edd!" Kevin was screaming at the top of his lungs and the sound shook the whole blackness. He was coming from the light, I wanted so badly to walk to him but the gate. The gate called for me, if I wanted to go back then I had to find the will. I had to force my feet to carry me so far to the light when the gate was already open, waiting for me. I wasn't sure I had the energy._

 **Hey, thanks for reading. I hope everyone is still enjoying, and I'll see you all Monday. Lots of love -ena.**


	14. Fuck up extraordinarily

**This one is all Kevin but I'll bring Edds pov back next chapter, happy reading!**

I shook him with teeth rattling intensity screaming his name at the top of my lungs, I needed him to come back. His lips were a sickly shade of blue. Naz was behind me holding tightly to my shoulder. I vaguely registered Cas on the phone.

Everything was moving in slow motion. I looked up pleadingly at Naz "Save him" I whispered. She nodded and we set him down on the flat floor. "Hum that song from CPR class" she instructed grasping the bridge of his nose. I did as instructed for what felt like a million years before I realized people were here. They carried a gurney and meant to take him away.

Naz held me tightly, wrapping her arms around mine. I knew I could over power her but once I saw them carrying him safely to the back of an ambulance there was only one thing on my mind, _retribution. Who is responsible?!_

I stalked out of the bathrooms with Naz trailing closely behind. "Kev wait, hey can you hear me? Kevin!" I spun on her and a deep growl rumbled my chest. Coherent thought was slipping.

"You can't go to jail dude, you have to think about this. Please." She grabbed my hand but I was unmoved, someone would pay for this. I turned back around and continued on my way.

I threw open the locker room door and scanned the area. One guy had bruised knuckles and I knew that he was involved. I walked right over to him, he was turned changing and didn't see me coming.

I grabbed a handful of short blond hair and bounced his head off the locker in front of him. He turned to me blazing with anger and hand covering a bleeding nose. I don't know what he found in my face but his anger disappeared without a second thought. "Who did it?" I could hardly understand myself but he knew what I wanted.

"Kevin!" Naz came barging in followed closely by Cas who was clearly a ball of anxiety. she pushed the guy away from me who took off, I moved to follow him. She placed herself between me and the exit. "Out. Of. The. Way." I ground out, I knew the small semblance of self control I had was fading and I might not forgive myself if I hurt her.

"He needs you!" She accused, jabbing a finger in my chest. It stung to be reminded that there was nothing I could do. "Doctors will help him there, I'll defend him here." I shook off the guilt.

"Kev please, Edd is waiting for you." I noticed then that tears were pouring from her eyes. "Not yet." I shoved her harder than I intended to out of my way.

"You son of a bitch!" She tackled me to the ground, sitting with her knees on either side of my shoulders. She drew her hand back and I knew I deserved the crunch of cartilage that came when her small fist hit me square in the middle of my face. "I said HE NEEDS YOU NOW! Stop being such a selfish asshole and do the right thing, just this one fucking time! Stop being such a fuck up, someone should be holding his fucking hand you piece of shit!"

My face was wet with tears that were not mine. _We need to go to him._ I turned my head, nodded at Cas and she helped Naz off of me. "Let's go." We took my car and went 30 over the speed limit all the way to the emergency room. Cas sat in the back with me cleaning up my nose.

I said nothing, Naz did all the talking to nurses and aids. She did her best to get us back to see him but his surgery wasn't over yet. They told us when he went back to his room, with permission from his parents wherever they were, that we would be able to see him. They did give me his phone though and I found _mom_ so I hit dial.

"Eddward?" A soft feminie voice asked, as if she was totally uninformed.

"Hello Mrs. Vincent, this is Kevin Barr." No one had called her? Or at least gotten ahold of her.

"Oh, Kevin. Hello, may I ask what the purpose of this call is? And why you have Eddwards phone to begin with." Tears stung my vision but I blinked them back, not yet.

"There's been an accident Mrs. Vincent, Eddward is at Mercy West hospital in surgery right now." I said matter of factly, hoping she'd appreciate the perfesionalism that I was trying to put on. I hadn't spoken to her in a very long time and I doubted she liked me very much.

"I see... thank you mister Barr, we will catch the next flight out. I'm afraid that we're in Germany at the moment and it might take a bit of time to-" her voice broke and I ached for her. "excuse me, time to make it. Please allow me to speak with a nurse. Would you like to be with him young man? He's written me once and mentioned a great deal about you." I cringed wondering when he'd written and what he'd said.

"Yes please, I desperately _need_ to see him." I stressed motioning over a nurse.

She took the phone and chatted on for a few minutes behind the desk before returning the cell phone to me. I nodded a thanks returning it to my ear.

"Please, be the man he said you were. Take care of... oh God, take care of him." She was trying to hide the crying but her voice gave her away.

"I will be twice the man he thinks I can be. I swear that to you Mrs. Vincent." I vowed, she clicked end and I walked to the nurse station.

"She said you were allowed to see him when he's done. I promise to keep you updated but right now they're repairing his lung. A broken rib punctured it, he's lucky someone was performing CPR otherwise he'd have died long before EMTs got there." I swallowed thickly but nodded. Nothing to do now but wait.

Hours ticked by without word, by hour three of Naz pacing and Cas reassuring I was on the verge of loosing my mind. I stomped up and watched the nurse who nodded to me, getting up and walking down a hallway to get an update.

She came back a few minutes after looking pale. "They've experienced a complication but are working to fix it right now. I'll go back and try to get more information soon." This set my mind racing along with my feet. I took off out of the room swearing to myself I'd be back in a half hour.

 _How could we have let this happen? You were supposed to be there, this was never supposed to happen! We are responsible, and if he... we'll never be the same again. We won't even deserve to exsist. How? HOW DO YOU LIVE WITHOUT HIM NOW?!_

I screamed in an empty hallway and punched a brick wall. Just another broken bone, the pain cleared my mind out of the depression fog though and I finally found my destination. The exit was finally in sight.

I went outside to fill my lungs with cold air and jog. I looked over to see a man in his fourties smoking a cigarette and decided now was as good a time as any to bum one. He obliged and smiled at me.

"You look... broken kid. Not that it's any of my business or anything but mind my askin what's goin on?" he said tossing me a lighter. I lit up without a second thought feeling grateful.

"I fucked up big time, no denying it now. I ruined another persons life, not that I do much else anyway." I took a long drag. He cocked his head sideways and in blue eyes a few shades darker than Edds I saw truth. For some reason I found this stranger trustworthy.

"Life's like that I think, not that I know everything, nothing you can do to take it back though right?" he slid me a side eyes glance and I nodded. _Nothing to be done now._

"Well at the very least ya gotta make it count. Fuck up extraordinarily but make sure when the dust settles kid, make sure it was worth it. Then you won't have no regrets and I bet he won't either." He winked at me when I met his gaze with wide eyes.

"How did you…?" _know. How did you know about me, that I love him?_ I turned away, unable to stand his gaze any longer.

"I had that same look you got once upon a time, long ago though it was. I remember being where you are and there was someone outside here that helped me. Not saying I really did anything, but... fuck, make sure that he knows okay? Because you never know when the last time will-" he choked back a sob. "-will be. Regrets are for dipshits. _Make it count, meet him at the clock."_ Titanic? A titanic quote, and what did a clock have to do with anything? I whirled around to ask but he was gone.

I glanced all around and looked down at the lit cigarette in my hand, half gone. The man was no where to be found and I finally knew exactly where I had to be. I took off at a dead sprint back through the doors, down the hallways. Past the waiting room, I glanced a sobbing Naz and kept running. Past the ' **No visitors beyond this point'** sign until I stood in front of a door. It read **O.R. 12** and there was a red light on that said in use. What made me push the door open though was the clock, a pretty and intricate one embedded in the wood of the door. It ticked loudly in the silence as if it were meant for me.

I followed up stairs two at a time willing lady luck to be on my side just this once. Upon reaching the top I found a few people sitting in a room with chairs that looked out over the operating room. On a table, draped in a cloth and hooked up to all kinds of machines lay Edd. They were frantic, the Doctor yelling things and people scrambling to do what was asked.

I saw an intercom and though I'd caught some attention pushed the button.

"Edd, I know you can hear me. You can't leave, I haven't gotten to make it count yet. I'm here to meet you at the clock okay? Please, Edd, you can do this. For us, I love you!" I was shouting by the end and a small female nurse was approaching me carefully. The Doctor was yelling to get me out but as I continued to speak his heart monitor stopped beeping so rapidly and the crew seemed to settle down with each word.

"Sir, this is a closed viewing room. I'm sorry if that's your loved one down there but you can't be here." The Doctor met my eyes and I swear they were the same blue as the man outside, I almost choked on nothing.

"Thank you young man, we have it from here. You certainly did make it count." He winked and blackness swallowed me as I watched the floor coming fast to meet me. _No way this is really happening._

I sat up as if from a bad dream and the whole room turned on it's side. I was pushed back by small hands belonging to Cas, she was shushing me and soothing sweetly.

"Where is... Edd?" I managed to slur out.

"He's fine, they fixed him up. He hasn't woken yet but he's in stable condition." She assure me. "How did I end up in a hospital gown?" I questioned looking down.

"You passed out Kev, from the whole broken hand and broken nose thing. They said something about shock, gave you some good pain meds. You've been out for two days, guess you needed the rest." I nodded recalling what had led up to this predicament.

"I'll get a nurse and Naz." She stood and headed for the door. "Thanks." I mumbled barely audible. She side glanced and nodded.

They had fixed my nose and put a cast on my hand. I was on the mend and things were looking great for me, I could even order some food and the nurse said they would discharge me tomorrow if I was able to keep everything down and get around myself. Apparently the nose was bad and so was the hand, Naz has a killer right hook.

I asked to talk to the doctor who saved Edd and the nurse obliged saying she'd let him know. He came quicker than I expected flipping through a clipboard walking in the door.

"Hello Mister Barr. It's nice to see you again, feeling well?" He smiled at me kindly with fucking brown eyes and my mouth fell open. No way!

"Not to be rude sir but do you know anyone... aw hell, I didn't even get a name, he's a guy in his fourties, blue eyes and dark hair... I know this sounds crazy bu-" he raised a hand and grinned like the cat that got the cream.

"Funny you should say that, Erik has been lurking around I'd bet. My life partner, he's a very kind man and likes to offer advice to people he thinks are special. Since you bring it up I'd bet Eddward is your partner as well?" I nodded absently. No wonder.

"What was he doing outside? He gave me a smoke to and you're together. That must be a great argument." I smiled back at him. "He gave me some solid advice, I don't know it just felt like I could trust him. He talked a lot about saying what you mean and who knows when you'd have the chance. Please tell him thank you, he said some really beautiful things."

"Oh it was a grand argument, Erik died about 7 years ago. He was in a horrendous accident with a drunk driver, I did everything I could but... nothing would have saved him. Thank you as well mister Barr, Kevin, I never did get to tell him I loved him. It was a spectacular all consuming love, I never deserved him." Tears popped up in his eyes and I nodded absently.

Had I been speaking to a ghost? Suddenly the doctors pager started rapidly beeping and he left with a quick good bye. I shook my head, there wasn't much time to think about this.

I was itching to get out of bed but was under strict orders to do as I was told. Naz made sure that I wasn't difficult and assured me over and over that Edd was still asleep, he'd be asleep for a while.

The next morning they let me walk down to his room and when I saw him it about broke me. He had an intibation tube to help breathe and was so cold even covered by three blankets. I sat at his feet and tried my best to keep them warm. It went on like that until noon when they got around to releasing me with many pills and my own clothes.

Finally as if flood gates had been open, when we were alone, I cried. I sobbed so hard on my knees next to his bed that I got sick repeatedly. I continued to cry for us both since he couldn't right then. I cried for the life that had almost been ended, that he might never have gotten to tell his story. I cried for joy, we had been given another chance to be with each other if he could stand to look at me after this.

The nurse came in insisting she could give me something to calm down so I let her. Soon after I fell asleep praying tomorrow would be better.

I sat in his room waiting, hoping that he'd open his damn eyes so I could tell him I was sorry for sucking so fuckin bad. I held his hand tightly, rubbing better circulation into his fingers.

His mother found me like that, clasping a clammy hand in mine and massaging whispering about being a sorry excuse for a human. She was silent in her entry and I wasn't sure when she got there, I rose from my hunched position and jumped when I saw her standing in the corner.

"Hello mister Barr, and thank you for watching out for Eddward." She was a pretty woman, pale with dark hair like Edd but with eyes of melted chocolate. Slender fingers reached for the hand I had previously been holding and stoked lovingly.

"It's been my pleasure." I assured, about to leave and offer some privacy but she turned around.

"Jamie has come with us, he's concerned for Eddward just as you are. If either of you get smart around my recovering son then I'll have you detained." I felt my heart hit the floor, no way that this could get much worse. I gave a curt nod and stepped out, I'd been here to long.

"what's up?" Naz stopped and looked me up and down.

"Just that guy, he's here too I guess. Edds gonna freak when he gets up and that'll be another thing I didn't do right, I feel like the walking dead I been here so damn long." I scrubbed my hand over my face. "Can't leave now with that creep lurkin around like the fuckin crypt keeper." I said for myself mostly but Naz gave a loud laugh.

"Go take a nap and a shower man, you reek. Please Kev, you're lookin a little crazy." She shoved her hands in her jeans casually. "I'm gonna do that." I said and walked towards the family center. They had a nice place here where families got a hot shower and a good meal when they needed it, I'd become a regular.

After some much needed food and a cleansing few minutes under scalding water I felt better. A quick nap had me totally ready to get back at it. I walked to his room and found his father sitting in a chair a few feet from his head totally alone.

"Sorry sir, I didn't think anyone was in here." I said about to excuse myself back out. He shook his head and gestured to the chair on the other side of the bed that I took gratefully.

"You must be Kevin, I've gotten a phone call about you." He smiled to himself like there was some private joke going on. "Nice to see you again boy, it's been a while." I agreed thinking Edd must have had a lot to say. I sent a silent prayer that he'd told good things and smiled in my best meet the parents grin.

 _ **HELLO I know it's been a while but just so we're clear I will finish this. Holidays make me unreliable as far as updating, also my general personality haha, but I'm still working and getting around to a wrap up. HOPE EVERYONE HAD A GOOD THANKSGIVING :) and happy reading as always -Ena**_


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